Feeling better

Well I finally seem to be getting over that cold that was plaguing me last week. Thank fork! It was really getting me down and I pray I don't get ill AGAIN this winter. Only problem is I seem to have passed my germs on to Rudi. He is *not* impressed. I said to him 'What did you expect me to do? Move out while I'm sick?' I mean really. It's inevitable that we're going to pass germs on to each other!

The weekend was uneventful. I spent most of it in bed nursing my cold with rest. I was also on leave yesterday which I spent doing as little as possible. I watched quite a few episodes of NCIS (Naval Criminal Investigation Services). Very cool programme. I've watched almost 3 seasons.

I did receive my Body Thrills products in the mail on Friday (finally). Stupid post office had delayed it as they were unsure of the contents (apparently they wondered whether they were flammable). I received what I had ordered, but apparently I had forgotten about a lot of what I had ordered and was pleasantly surprised at my loot. Rudi even dipped into my Chocolate Pudding lip balm - so unlike him!

I wish I could change my blog theme to purple, but there doesn't seem to be anything that I like in the template section. I don't think I should fiddle with the HTML! There are a few small changes coming up on my blog VERY soon...so do come back and check. You won't be sorry :)

Lent For Liam - Reminder

It's the end of the month and pay day for most...so don't forget about Lent for Liam!

R100 is all it takes!

Bank details:

LJ Cadger
Standard Bank
Branch: Norwood
Account Number: 006867480

Reference: Your Name / E-mail

Paypal Reference: ljcadger@gmail.com

I've contributed this month, will you?

Other than that I'm really frustrated with the cold I have right now. Thank goodness it's not like it was last month, but not being able to breathe through my nose is KILLING ME. It's the MOST irritating thing. Breathing through my mouth just makes my throat sore and my mouth dry. I would really appreciate a break from being sick. Just as my cough started going away *this* happens. Lovely sneezes and a PILE of tissues in the bin speak volumes about how I am feeling. I stayed off work yesterday, but I came in today. I wasn't going to pay a doctor R300.00 to book me off for one day. If I'm not better by Monday I'll go.

After two days the skin below my nose was raw, sore, flaky, red and SORE (I know I said that twice). A colleague at work let me use some of her Zam-Buk (not sure if you get this outside of South Africa). The stuff is awesome. I've never bought it before, but went to get a pot the same day. It relieves the pain and keeps the skin hydrated and healthy. It can also be used as lip balm (although it's very minty and I don't think I want to find out how it tastes), for insect bites, mild burns and Angel even told me she uses it for her heels! Magic stuff!

While I'm pimping products, ExMi is having a special for TODAY ONLY. Order now! I'm going to check if my last order arrived after work. Can't wait!

I've got the all time worst customer waiting to be called back in my name (his query was assigned to me). I decided to leave him till after lunch. He is infamous in our portfolio and all the way to our billing department. He tries to find flaws in our system where there are none. Last time he called he spoke to Leebeesa and threatened to sue us. I wish he would. I wish he would piss out his money on legal fees when he doesn't have a leg to stand on. I HATE dealing with irates. Yes. I'm a wuss. I just know he is going to shout at me/ask me questions I can't argue/be a prick. It's what we all prepare ourselves for when he complains.

I'm off this weekend, thankfully, but I'll be working next weekend :(

Hope everyone has a good one!

Kak day

Ugh. Working in that crappy portfolio again today. When I am I just feel like saying FML. I positively hate it and have had more than one person shout at me today already. SO frustrating. I would much rather just work in my own portfolio, but we take turns serving our time in this one. It's my turn.

To top it off I'm sick. For the past few days I've had a cold and I feel yucky. The worst part for me is the blocked nose. It KILLS me. I can't stand not being able to breathe properly. I'm coping quite well without medication. Last month when I was sick I spent R2000.00 on doctor's appointments and medication. I can't afford to deplete my medical aid anymore, especially if I get pregnant this year I will need what I have left. Poor Rudi hasn't even been considered into the equation.

He said the sweetest thing yesterday. They were talking about 'The Golden Ratio' on Oprah last night and how they measured the proportions of celebrities faces to calculate their ratio. The highest scoring celebrity was Brad Pitt, he scored over 9. Angelina Jolie scored between 7 and 8. I thought aloud and said 'I wonder what mine would be' and he turned around without missing a beat and said '9.9'. LOL. Sweet of him. Obviously not true, but sweet. Nobody has ever scored a perfect 10. I suppose he took that into consideration when he bestowed his compliment.

Ugh. I better get done with the work I have to do for today. FML.

+/-0kg

OK. So I cheated a little with my weigh in this morning. When I first stepped on the scale it said I had gained 1.2kg. I refused to believe it and got on again. +600g. Stepped on again, no gain, no loss. Stepped on again, no gain, no loss. I weighed like 5 times consecutively and 3 out of those 5 it said no gain, no loss. I think that wins, OK?

I really wish the side effects of the cortisone injection I got would go away. I'm still suffering from insomnia, wake up with heartburn every morning and am starving ALL THE TIME. I'm hungry right now. I had a slice of toast at around 6AM. It's 2 hours and 10 minutes later and I feel like I haven't eaten for an entire day. It's SO difficult because I'm trying to avoid eating so that I don't screw up my weight loss, but I'm HUNGRY! The doctor also warned that I might retain water. Yesterday I drank my full water quota (1.5 litres) and I only went to the loo twice. That's unusual, so it must still be hanging around somewhere in my body. Although...I totally have PMS so weight gain, water retention and hunger all come along with that as well.

Also, my left wrist is really sore. When I had German measles in 2007 all my joints ached so that I could barely walk. Sometimes my ankles still hurt, but since yesterday its been my left wrist. It's difficult to lift things and stuff. Plus my muscles in my back are starting to ache like they did before and I'm kind of worried that I'm getting sick again. Maybe I'm still getting better. Who knows?

I still need to decide where to get my tattoo. I thought I had decided to put it under the butterfly I already have, but quite a few people have said they don't think that's a good idea. My (conservative) grandfather included! My grandfather feels that it is a commemorative tattoo and if the intention is that I am to be reminded of James that I should have it somewhere where I can see it. He suggested the inside of my arm, but I'm not fond of that. I told him that I had considered having it done on my wrist and he thought that a good idea. Sarah also suggested my wrist, as did Leebeesa. Consensus seems to be that it would be a good place to have it. Rudi didn't like the idea at first, but conceded last night that it would be a good spot. Wenchy recently had a Yin Yang symbol tattooed on her wrist so I asked her how much it hurt...apparently it hurts a lot. *shrug* I suppose it can't be worse than induced labour.

3 more sleeps till George!

A good nights rest - Priceless

I'm back at work today, with no impending doctor's visit.

I took a sleeping pill last night and slept like a baby! When I woke up this morning I felt like a NEW PERSON. I never realized what a huge impact sleep deprevation had on me. Last night I still felt very weak and felt like I didn't even have enough energy to raise my arm, let alone myself. Even Rudi was taken aback by how chirpy I was this morning. If he could tell the difference and actually commented on it - it's vast! I'm still coughing quite a bit today, but I'm hoping that this is just my body ridding itself of whatever is left on my lungs.

Speaking of noticing differences...I'm SO happy that I've lost 9kg, but I really still feel like I look the same as I did 9kg ago. Wenchy wrote about the same kind of thing. She's lost over 20kg already, but didn't feel like it was making a difference to her appearance. I know that I must look better, but I really don't see it myself. Nobody really comments on my weight loss anymore since all the people I see I see almost every day. I'm sure if I ran into someone I haven't seen for 3 months they'd say 'WOW'.

I can't believe that we are going to George next weekend already! We've been planning and waiting for so long now that it seems impossible that the time has arrived! I spoke to Nellie this morning and they are just as excited! I'm working this weekend so it will be a lovely break!

-1kg

I’ve been booked off work again today. Hopefully it will be the last time for a while. I’m feeling really run down and exhausted and so sick of taking pills it’s not funny anymore. The doctor said I’m starting to feel so tired because my body has been deprived of oxygen for so long now. Even a simple task like drying my hair has me feeling like I’m going to keel over. My chest was actually worse when I saw him yesterday than it was when I saw him a week ago. I told him straight that I’m not a lightweight and he’s going to need to bring out the heavy drugs in order to fix me. So I got a cortisone shot last night and a course of expensive antibiotics. If I’m not feeling better by Friday they’re going to have to do blood tests to see what is wrong with me. This morning my chest is feeling slightly less wheezy, but I’m still feeling quite weak and my muscles are still aching. I’ll rest again today as much as I can and take on the world tomorrow.

I think I figured out why the doctor took so long to fix me. He mentioned yesterday he used to be a pharmacist. No wonder he only gave me over the counter medication the first time I saw him! My regular GP usually whips out the antibiotics first thing. My regular GP is not nearly as friendly and doesn’t take the time to explain things as his colleague does, but he is close to retirement age and I’m going to have to find a competent replacement for him sometime soon.

The doctor has forbidden me to conceive while I’m on the antibiotics and after having the cortisone shot. He wanted to do a blood test to be sure I’m not pregnant before giving me the medication, but I assured him that I only just started ovulating and that I doubted there was any chance of conception already. I guess it will be abstinence for a while yet.

SO! I’ve lost 9kg so far! NINE! Honestly when I started this journey, 9 was never a number I thought I could get to. If I lose 4 more kilos I’ll beat my all time record of 13 lost in one go. I must say that lately the effort has not been much from my side. My appetite has gone for a loop since I’ve been sick and I’ve only really eaten small amounts to facilitate taking my medication. I just need to make sure that I maintain the weight loss once I’m well and get my butt into gear to lose more!

I haven’t been sleeping very well. I’ve either been too hot, coughing or very restless. This has also probably been contributing to my fatigue. Last night I lay staring at the ceiling coming up with a thousand ideas for a blog post. It would take me all day to write…and you all day to read, so I’ll spare you.

*yawn* I hope I can manage to get back to sleep now.

Frustrated!

I am incredibly frustrated at the moment. Oh hello! I'm back at work and feeling worse than I did last week. My chest still hasn't cleared and last night my glands decided to swell up. I thought my head would explode this morning. The medication I'm on is making me feel very weird and nauseous. I've been crying the whole morning (even in my boss' office) because I just feel so useless. My body is failing me and I want to scream!

I've been off for almost a full week and I'm starting to worry that it might be something serious. I keep having flashes of me collapsing...or ending up in hospital. Alarm bells are going off in my head, but I keep downplaying it because I fear I might be overreacting. I don't remember every being sick for so long. It's been two weeks since I started displaying symptoms.

I'm making another doctor's appointment today. I want to see *my* doctor. He better fix me. I can't take it anymore.

-800g

Good news, I lost 800g which puts my total weight loss at 8kg. Yay!
Bad news? I went back to the doctor and I have bronchitis. I've been given an inhaler and all sorts of medication. The doctor booked me off till Thursday provisionally, but said I should call for an extension if necessary. Sorry if this post isn't nicely spaced, but I'm posting from my phone. I now have to take 14 tablets every morning. Eish. I'm going to get some rest!

+/-0kg

I didn't gain any weight. Thank goodness. I need to get my mind right again and start working towards good results. I told Rudi this morning, even if we don't start eating right immediately we should at least start exercising again.

I am sad today. Today it has been six months since James died. Sjoe. That was hard to type. I'm feeling very tearful and emotional. I feel so frustrated that these feelings keep bubbling up when I least expect them to. Today one of the pregnant women in the office was speaking very loudly about how wonderful her scan was and how amazing everything is (it's her second child) and it stung. I really don't resent her or blame her for being pregnant, it's just hard to hear these things when I had a taste of that myself and then it was gone. Pregnancy for me has a lot of negative memories - all the happy memories I have, like hearing his heartbeat or seeing him yawn on the scan have been tainted by the pain, hurt and loss that I feel.

I feel *so* bad for feeling this way. I feel resentful, bitter and jealous and then I feel guilty for feeling resentful, bitter and jealous. These are all ugly emotions that I don't like, but seem to feel anyway. I can't stop it, can I? Can I?

Rudi is sick today. He says he has been throwing up. I've made an appointment for him at the doctor. I hope he is OK and that I don't get whatever he has. I am not in the mood for being sick. I already feel quite run down emotionally. I don't need to feel bad physically as well.

Thanks to my friends on Twitter for their support...and everyone who contacted me today to show they care. I love you!

+/- 0kg

The scale stood still for me again today. I'm super stoked about it since it's my ovulation week (last month I gained 200g)...and I ate such a load of nonsense over the weekend. I didn't drink my water on Thursday, Saturday or Sunday and we skipped our Thursday walk because I was ill.

This morning Rudi was sick. He was throwing up and everything. On the one hand I feel bad for him because he's sick, on the other hand I'm not so sympathetic. He didn't believe I was really ill last week. I think he thought I was trying to get out of going fishing with him. I felt hurt that he wouldn't believe me and said something along the lines of 'I wish you could feel how I feel'. Now he does. I hope we don't keep on re-infecting each other. I'm only just starting to feel better. My voice isn't 100% back yet, but I'm not very sick. I also still have a bit of a cough. Rudi hates it when I cough...it irritates him for some reason. He'll rather have me down cough mixture than listen to me cough my lungs out. Of course when he felt nauseous this morning he said 'Maybe you're pregnant'. Go figure. He is sick and it's somehow my fault. LOL. Had to stress with him that I'm still ovulating and it's just a little too early to tell!

Even though my microscope says I'm 'not fertile' I think I still am. My body is giving me clear signs that I am still ovulating, pain in my nether regions being one of them. I guess we're done trying for this month though. Rudi won't be able to participate in the condition he is in. Also I don't know if he'll walk with me tonight being so sick. I guess I'll take a couple of laps around the complex.

Thank you so much for the overwhelming response I received yesterday with regards to finding my father. I've even gotten a number to try and call. Suddenly I'm scared and nervous. What if he doesn't want to hear from me? I'm a chicken. A friend offered to phone the number and make enquiries...For those who have requested an ID number or date of birth, I will try and fish these out from My Evil Mother if at all possible.

Since losing James the concept of 'family' and 'children' has changed for me. Finding my biological father is somewhat of a sensitive issue now. Now that I understand that parental bond you form with a child that isn't even born yet...I don't know. Suddenly I'm confused. Maybe I need some dutch courage!

Transitional

I already regret coming in to work. I am feeling very nauseous. I think there's a bug going around. Other colleagues are also complaining about not feeling well. I'm sure the aircon is conducive to spreading this bug too, but bless the aircon. It's going to be over 40 degrees again today. Pffft. I'm feeling truly horrible and today I'm probably going to have to do the horrible work I don't like doing. Maybe I'll throw up on my desk and get sent home. I'm not kidding. I might just.

Amber's nose wasn't looking good this morning. It started weeping and Rudi had quite a bit of trouble holding her down to clean it. She doesn't like being confined. He put some antiseptic cream on it as well, as much as he could get on with her wriggling around.

I forgot to mention that I received a post card from France the other day! My friend from Belgium went there for the weekend not too long ago and he thought to send me a post card. He's such a sweetheart. I love getting random post from all over the world. I still have to send him the bottle of Amarula I bought for him about 3 months ago. Rudi even aquired special foam containers to protect the bottle on it's journey overseas. Quite strange since Rudi is a bit jealous of my friend, who I will be calling Brain. He has a pet mouse called Brain. He doesn't quite understand our relationship. I suppose he just doesn't like the fact that I speak to another man. It's all very innocent, I assure you. I would never ever cheat on Rudi. Emotionally or physically. I would never be able to live with myself. I simply love him too much.

Speaking of loving Rudi...

...my microscope is definitely starting to show some ferning! There was a spot of ferning this morning. It's not yet fully ferning - so it is currently in the transitional phase. Moving on to ovulation. I was quite excited to see the little ferns this morning. Somehow I had convinced myself I wasn't ovulating. I'm crazy that way.

The obsession has tamed itself of late. I'm no longer VERY upset if I see other pregnant people. It still makes me sad, but I'm no longer as unreasonable about it as I previously was. I don't necessarily want to hear about other people's pregnancies yet though. I'm not completely preoccupied with getting pregnant anymore either. Sure I want to be pregnant and I'm using my microscope, but I don't completely freak out when it's time for my cycle to start. Somewhere deep inside I'm still dying to be pregnant. On the surface I've given up. I don't know if that makes any sense.

Sick

I'm not feeling so well today. I didn't go in to work. I think I'm coming down with something. I feel all congested at night and nauseous during the day. No...I'm not pregnant. My readers would be amongst the first to know. I got up this morning and prepared breakfast and lunch for Rudi and I, like I do every morning...but I just didn't feel right. I bit the bullet and phoned Jubba (something I loathe to do, although he has always been reasonable when I've been ill) and took a sick day.

It's very hot today...I've already gone and cleaned the kitchen and put things straight and all sorts of things I should rather just leave because I'm not feeling well. Now that everything is done though I'm going to rest. Maybe it's just all the stress at work lately. There's been tension in the air at work for the past two weeks. For a change it's not Jubba that's driving me crazy. The whole department has been in shambles and trying to bail out one of the portfolios and I think everyone is feeling a little thinly spread. Management doesn't think we're performing at our optimum levels and decided to just pile more work on and shuffle us around. It makes complete sense from a business perspective, but we are people and sometimes companies forget about people. I must say The Company isn't heartless and doesn't treat us badly and pays us well. I don't blame The Company...I just think there are some structuring issues and perhaps some strategies need to be put in place to prevent the portfolio in question from falling behind like they have again. It's not the first time it has happened, but it always seems like it gets left till the last minute and then everyone panics.

So. I'm resting today.

I bought myself a very pretty dress yesterday. It's officially the only one I own. I own skirts that I rarely wear, but I have no dresses. Just this one. I saw it in a mall close by quite a while ago, but they didn't have my size. Yesterday I saw it in a different mall, in my size AND on sale. I had to get it. Rarely does a dress catch my eye, but this one did.



So last night I put on my new dress and my heels and I went to church. I felt so feminine and pretty. It's the perfect dress for special occasions and I received lots of compliments last night.

Check out Amber's battle scar:






Silly cat.

I just finished watching P.S. I love you. Very good movie. It just brings me back to that place where I remember that I need to appreciate what I have. It's a beautiful movie and I would recommend you see it if you haven't yet.

I looked at my microscope long and hard this morning and I just checked it again. I think I'm starting to see signs of ferning. Very slight, but it's starting to show up. Rudi reckons it still looks the same, but I don't agree. Maybe tomorrow it will be clearer and he can see.

I might have gotten myself out of fishing on Saturday with Fence and Lindor. It all depends on whether or not their partners are going with. Even if I don't go fishing, there's no escaping the braai (BBQ) afterwards. On Sunday apparently we're going to Franshoek. Rudi's brother, Derick, wants to do something for their mom and we've been invited, but it's not yet confirmed. I must take my camera if we go. It's beautiful there. I hope I'm not still feeling ill this weekend.

Dark clouds and illness

I spent the entire day alone yesterday for the first time since we found out that there was something wrong with our baby. It wasn't easy. I broke down at some point and felt like the walls were closing in. I wanted to run. Instead I took a shower, washed and dried my hair. I still didn't feel better, but fell asleep. Sleep is a wonderful escape. Now that my hormones are not going crazy I'm not dreaming so much anymore. I'm sure the sleeping pills the doctor gave me aren't hurting either.

I think I have a cold or the flu or something. My throat has been extremely sore since Sunday, I've been coughing, my ears are blocked and sore and my nose is blocked. Luckily I am already booked off work, but I wish that could focus this time on mourning and grieving instead of focusing on all these physical issues. Maybe my emotions are manifesting themselves physically, since the gravity of everything hit me on Saturday for the first time. I know that happens with Rudi.

Our church is having a family day at Ratanga Junction on Saturday. Rudi has never been and begged me to get tickets. He wanted to go while he was on leave at the end of the year and I would have had to stay home. I'm pretty sure pregnant ladies aren't allowed to go on all those rides...but now I can go with him. I'm just hoping that I feel better by that time and that I'm not still sick.

My cousin, Carmie arrives from London on Saturday for her yearly visit home. I'm excited to see her. While she was in South Africa we didn't see much of each other, but somehow since she's left to live and work overseas I want to see more of her. Always wanting what I can't have I guess. My goodness I'm dying for something sweet to eat...

I better start getting ready. My grandfather has gone for his chemo drip again today and he's picking me up on his way home. He's been dreading it for days. I wish there was something I could do to help him feel better. I suppose I can only spend time with him and let him know I'm there if he needs me <3

Speaking of love, I love my husband now more than I ever have. This whole thing has brought us closer together and opened up a new level of communication for us. I suppose every cloud has a silver lining.

Mother?

Blogger is still not allowing me to add photos :( I've uploaded the photo of the TV stand on Flickr, so if you'd like to see it you can by following this link:

http://farm4.static.flickr.com/3010/2944059256_a579bae255.jpg?v=0

I had an interesting revelation last night. I have a human being inside of me. I was once what this little baby is right now. Everyone I know was once what this little baby is right now. Everyone in the WORLD was once what this little baby is.

I have a PERSON growing inside of me. It's so...ALIENS. It's...mind boggling really. While I was thinking about all of this I realized that I'm going to be someone's MOTHER. I know that this kind of realization hits every pregnant women at some point...it's so...so...overwhelming! How am I possibly qualified to raise someone to be a decent human being? I don't suppose anyone is qualified per se...or that people know how to do this any better than I do in the beginning, but it's quite daunting.

I'm going to have to be responsible. I'm going to have someone else completely dependant on me 24/7/365 and 366 on a leap year. I'm not going to be able to go out and let my hair down completely without worrying about the little one back home. I can't put off/call off this change. I can't postpone it. It's happening in a little over four months whether or not I like it. Hectic.

I'm a little worried about Rudi. He has had a cough for the last week or so and this morning he said there was blood in his phlegm. His nose is also really sore and raw on the inside. He's been self medicating since the medical aid is depleted, but I'm afraid he might have to go to the doctor if this doesn't get better and I KNOW the doctor is going to send him for chest x-rays, etc.

I suppose you can't put a price on your health hey.

STILL sick

I'm STILL sick. I've finally taken my last antibiotic today. I have a suspicion that the antibiotics are making me feel nauseous. I couldn't even keep down water yesterday. I was feeling TERRIBLE, so my gynae appointment wasn't the joyful event it should have been.

My new gynae is really nice. He discussed things with me, which the other one did not. We specifically discussed going for the foetal assessment. He said that I fall into a low risk category and if I go for the foetal assessment there is about a 2% chance that I will need to go for a test where they draw amniotic fluid (this involves a big needle being stuck into your belly). That is the one test I do not want to have! I've decided since the risk is so small I don't think I'm going to go. My medical aid is pretty much done anyway! He also prescribed something for an infection I've gotten from the antibiotics. It never rains but it pours hey!

The baby looks healthy on the scan. Although the baby is lying in an awkward position so they were not able to tell the sex. He said we would definitely be able to tell at the next appointment (20 October) and he'll arrange for a DVD to be made for us. The most amazing thing must have been seeing the baby stretch out inside me. I'm convinced I can feel it sometimes if I'm sitting really still. He also said my due date is approximately 14 March (4 days earlier) but said he's not going to change my due date for now as these things become more and more uncertain as the pregnancy progresses. He said it's really unfortunate that I'm still suffering from morning sickness, but he's convinced I won't be for much longer. He is surprised that I am not complaining about my bladder as the baby is pressing down onto it and it should be making me quite uncomfortable. Perhaps the morning sickness is overshadowing all of that.

I'm really looking forward to getting my appetite back and getting off these antibiotics. I was only able to keep them down for roughly an hour. I hope my body absorbed enough of the antibiotic for the infection not to come back. It was very painful and I don't want to go through another course of antibiotics.

Wish me luck!

1st Trimester Blues - RANT WARNING

I hate this. I absolutely hate this. I will not do this again if someone paid me a million bucks. I will read this blog entry again if I am ever stupid enough to consider doing this again.

Being pregnant SUCKS. I've always said that I always wanted to be pregnant, but I never wanted a baby. Oh how naive! I saw happy pregnant ladies (with no stretch marks, mind you) in magazines...smiling and holding their beautiful belly. I saw parents laughing and in awe with their baby's movements. I saw glowing, happy and healthy women. What I did not see was a miserable women with dark rings under her eyes, stretchmarks on 2/3 of her body hanging over a toilet bowl crying.

I fucking hate the media. LIARS! My entire life the media has been telling me I'm not thin enough and I'm not pretty enough. I learned to deal with that. There will always be someone better than me...but why lie to me about this?! Why allow me to inflict this kind of misery on myself?!

You hear about 'morning sickness', but nobody really tells you how bad you feel. ALL THE TIME. NOW people are telling me that it was bad and a lot of people have told me that they suffered for their entire pregnancy, not just the first trimester as God surely intended. Now I am even more disheartened and see no end in sight. I can't possibly feel like this till March next year. I will slit my wrists.

Apparently this will subside or disappear completely once the placenta takes over the production of hormones. I know the placenta is there - they gynae identified it in the scan I went for, so what the hell is it doing now? Just hanging around? Work damnmit! Do what you are meant to do!

Add nausea

I feel horrible today. I was fine the whole weekend, until this morning. I feel like throwing up. I haven't actually thrown up, but I sure as hell came close just now.

The ladies facilities at work have this distinct strong smell that hits you every time you walk in. It's rather unpleasant, but I suppose it's mainly bearable. Nobody seems to have complained enough for them to do anything about it. I went to the loo just now and seriously nearly threw up in there. Ugh.

I was feeling ill last week as well, but I let a quack doctor convince me that it was all in my head. The quack doctor is supposed to be taking the place of my doctor while he is overseas (just when I need him). He told me to go home, forget about it and see how I feel in a week. *sigh*

Leeza has referred me to her doctor in the interim. I have an appointment tomorrow at 16:30. We'll see if we can get to the bottom of this.