Twitter

Yesterday I signed up to Twitter. I'd heard about it before, but I wasn't sure what it was. The word 'twitter' was coming up a lot in my daily life (even on the radio) and I decided to sign up and check it all out. Nice thing about twitter? It's not blocked at work like Facebook. Yet.

So the cell phone number for my father was a dead end, although I kind of expected that. I didn't call the number, in case you were wondering. Cell phone numbers are quite disposable, despite some people wanting to hang on to them for dear life. Really, I know. Some people don't use their cell phone number for over a year and then wonder why it is deleted. Like the networks have space to save all the millions of profiles of SIM cards that are most likely thrown away. Read the terms a conditions for pete's sake. OK. Rant over!

I'm starting to feel a bit better. I still have a bit of a cough and my tummy still hurts, but other than that I'm in ordinary health. I have to go to the doctor soon for a 'check up'. I'm taking out life insurance and I guess they want to make sure I'm not already dying on them. They pay for the doctor's appointment though. It's basically a free physical. I'm not going to complain. I also have to go for a blood test to ensure that I'm a non-smoker. Under normal circumstances that wouldn't be a problem, but a little while ago while Rudi and I were fighting I was REALLY stressed out and I kind of started smoking again. Not much, just the occasional cigarette...and then when I had a drink I would light up. I was almost smoking every day. The last time I smoked was Sunday. I've been told it should be out of my system in a week and half. I guess we'll have to see what the blood test yields. It hasn't been too tough to stop again now that I have a goal. Yeah I know. I'm bad. I almost had two years on my smoke free record. Idiot. Now I have to start counting all over again like the relapsed addict I am.

It's Jubba's birthday today. The team has planned a little surprise party for him and booked him a one hour full body massage as a gift. We'll be buying him Nando's. His favourite. I had a little chat with Jubba a while ago. I aired my feelings and I told him about how people perceive him. I explained to him that I have seen his softer side and it was a real pity that people judged him by his outbursts of rage. I tried to impress on him that people tend to remember the bad stuff you do, especially when the bad stuff is so extreme. Since our little chat our relationship has seemed to improve. He has really become a bit better. Towards me anyway. He also said he's taking it easy on me since we lost James as he can tell I'm not my old self anymore. I cried in his office. I felt stupid, but he asked me how things were at home. He asked during the week when Rudi and I were fighting and I felt like my marriage was crumbling. If he didn't want to know, he shouldn't have asked.

We stayed up late last night. Well, late for us. For those of you who didn't know we go to bed at around 20:30 usually and wake up around 05:30. Early to bed, early to rise. We really got into season 3 of Criminal Minds and that caused us to stay up past our bedtime. Pity I'm working this weekend. Otherwise I might have been able to rest.

My Father?

I may have found him. I received a call last night with contact details and more information than I could have hoped for...although I was filled with questions that could only be answered by him.

How is my ouma? I would be so sad if she was not OK. I remember holidays with her and sweet things she did. I remember her black french poodle named Kiki who ate grapes. I remember how she knitted a new dress/outfit for my Barbie or Ken every day I was there on holiday. I remember picking strawberries from her back yard in Welkom every morning. I remember she gave me my first make up compact with lots of different colour eye shadows and two different colours of blush.
Where are my half brothers? To have siblings. What would that be like?
Are you happy?
I'm married now.
You are a grandfather. Well kind of.

Imagine being him. Imagine receiving the phone call. At night. Maybe having dinner with your family. Perhaps your wife answered the phone. Did she ask who it is? What would I say?

Hi, are you George James? Yes
Is your mother Wilana De Vries? Yes
This is your daughter. First born as far as I know.

Can you imagine the feeling? His heart starts racing (mine already is), his blood might run cold from the shock. What do you say then? I just called to say hi? I don't want anything from you. I just want to talk? Does that sound logical?

I want to know you.

I struggled to fall asleep again after the phone call (don't worry, not your fault). A million thoughts running through my head. A million conversation scenarios that all stopped after 'I'm your daughter'. I don't say 'Remember me?' because he does. Of course he does.

Part of me wanted to call immediately. Another part never wants to call. I sound like a gremlin on the phone now anyway. Got get better first I guess.

Still sick

So Rudi and I were both sick yesterday. I only started feeling sick after I got to work though, so no off day for me. This morning I truly felt horrible. I was trying to eat my breakfast, but I only ate about half of it. I was feeling so nauseous. I think God is trying to remind me of what it felt like to be pregnant. It's like he's saying 'Still in a hurry?’

Well, yes.

Despite both of us feeling ill we still gave it a bash. I'm not going to miss out on an opportunity because I'm feeling ill. I'm not sick enough for that! (No, universe, I'm not asking to get sicker). I got us some medication yesterday to settle our stomachs and it seems to have worked. I don’t want to take the medication I got for nausea because I’m not too sure if that would do some damage IF I’m pregnant.

Yesterday Rudi was clearly bored and was examining my microscope. He reckons it was still ferning yesterday. I was anxious to see when I got home, but I don’t think that it was ferning per se, but like I said my body is telling me I’m still ovulating so try we will. I think tonight will be the last effort for this month before I enter the 2WW (two week wait) period. According to Fertility Friend my next cycle is due on the 28th of March technically that is longer than two weeks. My cycle is running on an average of 36 days now. It’s so long. If I weren’t trying to get pregnant I wouldn’t be complaining, so I’m just going to suck it up.

Nellie FINALLY got her chat functionality set up on her phone and we tested it out last night. We’re definitely going to save loads of money on SMS. We use mig33 instead of MXIT. MXIT is a load of crud. It doesn’t work half the time. Mig33 is much more reliable in my opinion. It also has MSN built into it so it suits my needs perfectly. I’m not sure which other chat applications it supports, but I’m sure Google will be able to tell you.

I spoke to my grandfather last night and asked him to fish out my father’s birth date from My Evil Mother. Maybe he can do it without raising too much suspicion. He is really keen for me to find my father. He thinks it’s the ‘right thing to do’. We’ll see what that yields.

+/- 0kg

The scale stood still for me again today. I'm super stoked about it since it's my ovulation week (last month I gained 200g)...and I ate such a load of nonsense over the weekend. I didn't drink my water on Thursday, Saturday or Sunday and we skipped our Thursday walk because I was ill.

This morning Rudi was sick. He was throwing up and everything. On the one hand I feel bad for him because he's sick, on the other hand I'm not so sympathetic. He didn't believe I was really ill last week. I think he thought I was trying to get out of going fishing with him. I felt hurt that he wouldn't believe me and said something along the lines of 'I wish you could feel how I feel'. Now he does. I hope we don't keep on re-infecting each other. I'm only just starting to feel better. My voice isn't 100% back yet, but I'm not very sick. I also still have a bit of a cough. Rudi hates it when I cough...it irritates him for some reason. He'll rather have me down cough mixture than listen to me cough my lungs out. Of course when he felt nauseous this morning he said 'Maybe you're pregnant'. Go figure. He is sick and it's somehow my fault. LOL. Had to stress with him that I'm still ovulating and it's just a little too early to tell!

Even though my microscope says I'm 'not fertile' I think I still am. My body is giving me clear signs that I am still ovulating, pain in my nether regions being one of them. I guess we're done trying for this month though. Rudi won't be able to participate in the condition he is in. Also I don't know if he'll walk with me tonight being so sick. I guess I'll take a couple of laps around the complex.

Thank you so much for the overwhelming response I received yesterday with regards to finding my father. I've even gotten a number to try and call. Suddenly I'm scared and nervous. What if he doesn't want to hear from me? I'm a chicken. A friend offered to phone the number and make enquiries...For those who have requested an ID number or date of birth, I will try and fish these out from My Evil Mother if at all possible.

Since losing James the concept of 'family' and 'children' has changed for me. Finding my biological father is somewhat of a sensitive issue now. Now that I understand that parental bond you form with a child that isn't even born yet...I don't know. Suddenly I'm confused. Maybe I need some dutch courage!