Wednesday, 25 March 2009
So my cycle did everyone a favour and showed up 'early'. Instead of putting me out of my misery it seems to have put me into it.
I'm really upset this morning. Disappointed I think would be an understatement. I am so sick and tired of this monthly rollercoaster. I want to throw in the towel. I don't want to try anymore, but I still want a baby. Rudi said the other day he thinks I'm broken. I don't think he was serious or meant to hurt my feelings, but he still said it.
So now I sit like an idiot crying at my desk. Again. I need to find a place to go and scream because I really want to.
Now I don't know what to do. I wish I could just forget about it, but it's really not that easy. I'm tired of sexy time not being fun anymore. I'm tired of crying. I'm tired of resenting and being envious of other people who also deserve happiness and babies.
And so this rant could go on forever...
Before you say anything about the t-shirt being self deprecating. I get to say it. I was declined for a policy because of my weight. They wouldn't take my money. Bastards. Went for an extra walk yesterday for good measure. I'll show them.