+/- 0kg

Another stand still week for me on the scale and I can honestly say I am relieved. I ate so many wrong things last week. I did, however, walk on Saturday and yesterday and drank my water on Thursday, Friday, Saturday and Monday. I know. I must do better and I must do so immediately. I am very fortunate that I have not picked up.

Rudi won me another teddy bear at one of those claw machines:



I went into the shop and he hid it in the car and pretended he had been unsuccessful. He's actually pretty good at it. All this really means is that the teddies I get from him usually cost R2.00. LOL.

A reader was a bit confused about one of my posts. I am not pregnant as far as I know. My cycle is due to start on Saturday. If it doesn't start by Monday I will go for a blood test. I've just been feeling a little odd this month and I sincerly hope I'm not dreaming up symptoms because I will feel like an idiot. Just so you know.

Other than that work is changing a bit and I'm not sure I like where it's going, but I need to remember that The Company looks after me really well and I shouldn't complain. It's so easy to take your job for granted when millions would give their left arm to have what you have.

I e-mailed a lady today that I met at the government hospital the day of the James' last scan. We had to sit and wait for quite some time and we ended up chatting to each other. She was very sad to hear about our situation and gave me her details so that we can stay in touch. It occured to me this morning that she has no idea how things turned out. I dropped her a short e-mail and caught her up without going into too much detail. I didn't even cry when I typed it. That is progress! I do feel that I am starting to heal. It is a slow process, but it does happen.

-1.6kg

Holy cow! I'm not sure exactly how I did it, because I certainly did not have a perfect eating week. The only thing that I can figure is that the walking and drinking water is saving my behind. Perhaps my body doesn't mind a little 'fattening' food every now and then. It could also be extra water I have lost after my cycle, since I stood still last week. Whatever the case I am standing at a loss of 6kg already and I'm very proud of myself!

The jeans I am wearing today always fit me properly, they were never too tight. In fact I could wear them well into my pregnancy, when all my other jeans failed me. Today they are too big. Not so big that I can't wear them or that they don't look OK, but too big none the less. Yay!

I forgot to update on Fence, I think. Fence did eventually phone Rudi back last Friday (I must have jinxed it by blogging about it), but Rudi didn't go fishing with him anyway. They have a fishing trip planned this weekend at which my presence is required. I don't mind going. I've got a good book I'm busy reading and hopefully Nellie would have been able to set up chat on her phone by then.

Poor Nellie is at home today. She's taking a sick day. She has a lot of stress at work at the moment and I haven't been able to talk to her much since they've moved her into an office with no e-mail. No e-mail! She must have felt like she was living in the dark ages!

No ferning on my microscope yet. I'm on cycle day 13, so maybe in a couple of days to a week the ferning will show up. I hope so!

Conflicted

Well, our walk last night didn’t do as much for me as our walk on Tuesday did. We walked longer and further though. I’m a little bit stiff. I thought I was going to die by the time I got home. My face sunburned slightly on our walk. We were in the piping hot sun for about 30 minutes. Today my face isn’t looking too bad, you can hardly notice it at all, but it was stinging and pink yesterday! Even after a cold shower I hadn’t cooled down yet, although our water failed me halfway through my shower.

Our water has been touch and go since Monday. Apparently there was some problem with the pressure in the complex. Rudi had to go two days without showering because no water came out of the tap after I had showered. Luckily last night things seemed to normalize.

I’m working this weekend, but I’m glad for it because it means I’ll be off on Valentine’s Day. Last year for Valentine’s Day Rudi bought me a kind of jasmine bush. I managed to keep it alive! Here it is today:



I was thinking about this baby thing last night. As much as I desperately want to be pregnant again and to have a healthy child…all this planning and charting and scheduled sexy time just doesn’t feel right. It shouldn’t be this way. I’m terribly conflicted about this. On the one hand I REALLY want to be pregnant. On the other hand I don’t feel like it should be an orchestrated affair. I feel that it should happen on its own, but as irrational as it may seem I feel like it won’t happen if we don’t have sexy time when we’re supposed to and we need to monitor everything to ensure we do. I know we didn’t need assistance falling pregnant before, but realistically it could have been a fluke. I think there is something like a 12 hour window for an egg to be fertilized. Surely that is easy to miss? How long is THAT going to take? So now I don’t know what to do. Do I follow my head or my heart?

No show

My cycle is still a no show. It's officially 3 full days late. If it is late. I really don't know what to think. Leebeesa recommended that I drink water (something I loathe to do) as this could assist in kicking in my cycle if it is meant to come. I HATE drinking water, but I suppose it's worth a try and it won't kill me.

If nothing has happened by Monday I'm going to go to have a blood test done. I learnt my lesson with the urine tests, they simply don't work for me! (Well, not as soon as they're 'supposed' to work)

Every time I go to the loo I wonder if it's going to be there. I've gained a kilo, when I was previously pregnant I mysteriously lost 2 kilos...gaining is more consistent with water rentention associated with PMS, isn't it?

*sigh*

Monday is so far off. Mondays aren't generally good days for me though. Maybe I should schedule it for Tuesday...but that is a whole day longer to wait.

FFS. I hate this.