pregnancy week by week

Tuesday, 18 March 2008

I can't wrap my head around it

There is one problem in my life that is solvable, but I cannot seem to solve it. Other people solve this problem. I wouldn't say that this problem is solved with ease, because it takes dedication, motivation, commitment and hard work. I have given up fighting the battle of the bulge.

I will sulk. I will be self deprecating. I will eat to comfort myself - completely defeating the object, but I do not change. It is a decision that I need to make. A decision only I can make. A decision I refuse to face?

Oh people have tried helping me. I have tried helping me. Nothing has worked thus far. Each time the weight just comes back and brings friends. Sound like the same old story? I suppose it is.

I have managed to be successful at other things. I have managed to greatly reduce my debt, climb the corporate ladder (even if I only climbed one or two rungs), increase my salary, have a successful relationship and become independant. I'm not a social retard. In fact, I'm not retarded.

It's so simple. It is HORRIFYINGLY simple. Stop putting the wrong things in your mouth. That is a wonderful start. Already now the road to my goal (not an unrealistic one) is SO long that I give up before I take the first step. Yes, I know...the journey of a 1000 miles starts with one step. With each day, week, month, year I put this off the road gets longer.

I want to be FIXED! Maybe I should just have my jaw wired shut and be done with it.

I envy people that don't have this problem (who doesn't envy those people?!). The truth is a lot of slim people work very hard to stay that way. Some don't, of course. Sometimes I even become blind and stupid enough to think "What could SHE possibly be worried about? Look at her!". OF COURSE she has problems. Maybe her problems are bigger than mine. Maybe her life is worse than mine. At least she's THIN.

I honestly think that my life would GREATLY improve if I was of lesser weight, but I don't seem to get there. I don't know HOW to get there. know...."change your lifestyle!". Yeah OK...let's....and it never happens.

What is a girl to do? Can you look up jaw wiring in the yellow pages?

I was watching Oprah yesterday and Dr. Oz was on. A middle age couple that were overweight and miserable inspired me to change my mindset. I might be coping with my condition right now, I might be OK, but how am I going to feel in 10 years? How many aches and pains am I going to have. How many of my organs are going to pack up by the time I'm 40?
Life decisions need to be made here. Most certainly.

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