Today is graduation day. Over a year ago I was nominated to take part in a programme at work. We basically did a course offered by Wits University on Telecommunications. About two months ago we wrote the final exam and today we receive our certificates in a special ceremony. I'm not sure if we will get a qualification that is recognized outside of the company, but at least we get some kind of recognition and I'm sure it will be recognized within the company when applying for other positions.
The course took place over a one year period and a lot of people dropped out along the way. All the candidates were nominated and it was implied that it was a great honour, so most felt obligated to participate (at least until they got tired of it). Some people attended all of the sessions, but didn't write the exam. Those that didn't write the exam or did not pass the exam will receive a certificate of attendance. The rest of us will receive a certificate of competence.
So I suppose in some way or form today is a 'happy' day, despite the fact that it's very difficult to be happy right now. Jubba wanted to send me home yesterday. A colleague asked me how the baby is, so I told him. He then did the worst thing he could do...he hugged me. When I am biting back tears the worst thing you can do is comfort me, the floodgates just open up. Jubba happened to walk past and saw me in tears, hence wanting to send me home.
Sarah wonders if I don't feel the way I do because I can feel something from the baby that nobody else can feel because I am her mother. That got me to thinking. Since before we found out about the problems with Lorelei I've been experiencing a lot of pain right at the bottom of my back (where my spine would end) and I wonder now if my back doesn't hurt because her back hurts there, where they suspect she has a problem. Right in the beginning of my pregnancy I used to be standing still and my foot would suddenly give way under me. I know it sounds really weird...but maybe I'm experiencing the things that she is experiencing. Maybe I am feeling her pain.
It's a good thing you don't know where I live...or you would probably be sending the men in the white lab coats my way.
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2 comments:
I am not gonna comment on the last two entries separately so her is a combined comment.......
Re the Medical aid.... Bonnitas is a good one as far as I know - Ive been investigating them and I'm joining them next month... but not on a savings plan one.. they have an option called "standard" where it works on a set figure for however many people are on it... which is more than savings for a year - so i like that option and I went to go and see them - so they are approachable - which is nice - i have their address if u want it. Another set of my friends (who also happen to be pregnant) are having the same problem as u with Discovery.
Secondly - no one on this earth expects u to be that strong and not cry... why try not to - its normal and u dont have to be rigid and dry eyed - i think any one would be crying in your case - so let it out!
And lastly... of course u feel a connection that no one else feels - u are her mother - but also don't read too much into everything now either.. back pain is so normal it isnt even funny. So don't worry - trust in the Lord and whatever he has planned for u will work out!
And something else I just remembered - when u go to Tygerberg - see if u can get a copy for yourself of your medical charts etc, cos they have a bad habit of loosing things and then at least u have a copy right there and there are no further delays. 5 or 6 am is a good time to arrive too, those waits are awful - oh and take a cushion to sit on the chairs are HARD.
Thinking of u :-)
Thanks Chantal! I will keep that in mind :)
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