Birthday and more

My birthday was boring. I didn’t do anything the whole day, but that was the plan. I was on leave and wanted to sleep late and do nothing. Rudi called in sick – but he spent half the day at the doctor. He is such a hypochondriac. Every time he goes to the doctor they send him to a specialist and they can’t find anything wrong with him. He’s starting to dislike doctors because he says there is definitely something wrong with him, even if they can’t find it.

We had two fights yesterday. I was angry at him for depleting the medical aid (which in all fairness, he does pay for too), but I’m going to need it a lot more than him with the baby on the way. Gynae appointments and scans and tests are all going to cost a lot of money.

The second fight was about him not buying me a gift for my birthday. Every year when I leave him to his own devices and I don’t make him go and buy me something, he doesn’t. He leaves it until it is my birthday and then he asks ‘So what do you want?’ It annoys me to no end because I feel like he doesn’t put any thought into it until the last minute. I’ve learnt my lesson about letting him pick gifts himself. He is not too bad at picking jewellery, but that is about it. Last year he wanted to buy me a single ticket to go and see a Pink concert. I like Pink, but definitely not enough to go on my own and not enough to want it as a birthday gift. I got him to buy me an expensive media player instead. Boogaloo contributed to that one a bit too. Eventually he stormed out and went to buy me a bottle of my favourite perfume (which I had run out of and told him to go and buy me).

Sarah and Brad came around last night. Sarah bought a cute set of baby clothes, but wrote me an I.O.U for my birthday gift. It was nice having them over, we hardly see them anymore.

My grandparents bought me a new pyjamas – it’s really pretty. My aunt bought me a set of plastic containers (don’t ask me why – because I haven’t figured it out yet, I have enough Tupperware for the whole family). Leeza stuck to our Harry Potter deal and bought me “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” and a ton of lollipops. Two other colleagues clubbed together and bought me a pretty silver chain with a butterfly pendant. I received more gifts than I expected which was great!

I feel horrible since this morning. I threw up bile this morning and I’m not sure if that taste just made me feel like crap, but I still feel yucky right now. I haven’t eaten anything, but my appetite is not all that. I’ve eaten lollipops this morning, but it hasn’t helped.

My grandfather is going into hospital today. His operation is tomorrow. They are taking him in today to prepare him for the op and to flush out his system. They located two dark spots on his liver which they will test for cancer after the operation – they are going to remove samples while he is under. There are also more areas of concern close to where they will be operating which they will also sample for testing. If any of the tests for the spots come back malignant he will go on chemotherapy for 6 months. I am very worried about him, but I try my best not to think about it. He simply has to make it. There’s no other way.

On a happy note Rudi and I have found a new place to stay. It’s a really nice place in Durbanville. It is also a flat, but it is 88 square metres which is bigger than our place now. It has a built in braai (BBQ) on the balcony, two bedrooms, a separate shower and bath and lots of cupboard space. We will be renting directly from the owner who is a really nice lady. We’ll be moving 31 August and I’ll post pictures once we’ve moved!

Business as usual

Finally it's Friday. The weirdest thing happened this morning. I woke up, attempted to brush my teeth without vomiting without success, but instead of getting upset I just...well...accepted it. It was 'business as usual'. I cannot be getting used to this can I? Who wants to get used to feeling ill and vomiting all the time? Crazy people! Oh...and people with bulimia*

I only felt a little sorry for myself and carried on as if nothing happened *sigh*. I didn't even cry or stamp my feet. I think these lollipops help because they push up my blood sugar levels. I don't care how it works, as long as it works!

I didn't go to choir practice last night. I feel so bad, but I have no choice. I feel so crappy.

My grandfather called me last night. He received back more test results. It seems like there is a problem with his liver. The doctor didn't tell him specifically if the cancer had spread there or if there is another problem - he'll tell him that on Monday (on my birthday). I just really hope he's going to be OK. My grandfather has been waiting for me to have a baby for the longest time and now that it is finally happening there are other factors that we never dreamed would be a problem. He said to me last night 'You better hurry up with this baby, I might not be around to see it', a tasteless joke I know. He has a weird sense of humour. Maybe he's trying to make it 'lighter'. He said if the cancer has spread to his liver it's a death sentence. You never know. He could get a transplant or they could cut some of his liver away. The chemo might get it, but there's no point in speculating.

Speaking of my birthday, I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything this year. Usually my birthday is a big deal for me...but I feel so horrid I'm not sure I'm up to anything. I can't drink, I can't eat, I don't feel like dancing. What is left to do except wallow? Last year my party was a real blow out. I remember a copious amount of red wine flowing and sleeping over where I was because neither Rudi or I were in any kind of condition to drive. This year...I'm in a different condition. HA HA.

*I distinguished that there is a different between bulimia and crazy people so don't take offense!

P.S. I'm sitting at work with my jeans untied. Luckily I'm wearing a long jacket so nobody can see. They're too tight and making me feel sick because they're pushing against my stomach. I just hope they don't fall down while I'm walking.