Randoms

Today I am wearing jeans that did not properly fit me before. They were too tight to sit down in, but today they are fairly comfortable. I would still like them to be a little less snug though. It's such a nice feeling being able to wear them again without worrying about being uncomfortable all day!

People have started noticing that I'm losing weight and it's great! I think I will be able to keep this up. I've been trying to approach it differently than I normally would. I'm trying not even to think about it as 'dieting' for 'weight loss'. I'm trying to think of it as a lifestyle change of which weight loss is a side effect (quite a pleasant one I might add).

I went for TWO walks last night. OK...so the second one was more like a leisurely stroll around our complex with Sarah, but it was better than sitting on the couch!

We had a really cool braai (BBQ) with all the old friends there last night. Last year this time we were all practically living on each other's doorsteps and seeing each other every single day and pretty much spending a lot of time together. The entire group has scattered though as Riaan moved to Pretoria and we moved out of the complex. Riaan was in Cape Town yesterday for one day only, so we decided to get everyone together for old time's sake. It was a lot of fun - just like we remembered it.

Speaking of which, Sarah and Brad are moving out on their own this weekend. I'm really happy for them. I know Sarah in particular has wanted this for a long time and she's very happy with the place they have found. Who knows...maybe this will lead to wedding bells for them? They protest when there is mention of this...but you never know!

I've managed to pay down a large amount on one of my credit cards (I only have two) this month and I'm feeling really good about that too. I'm going to try and purchase an ovulation microscope after work today. I really hope they have stock of the one I want.

Business as usual

Finally it's Friday. The weirdest thing happened this morning. I woke up, attempted to brush my teeth without vomiting without success, but instead of getting upset I just...well...accepted it. It was 'business as usual'. I cannot be getting used to this can I? Who wants to get used to feeling ill and vomiting all the time? Crazy people! Oh...and people with bulimia*

I only felt a little sorry for myself and carried on as if nothing happened *sigh*. I didn't even cry or stamp my feet. I think these lollipops help because they push up my blood sugar levels. I don't care how it works, as long as it works!

I didn't go to choir practice last night. I feel so bad, but I have no choice. I feel so crappy.

My grandfather called me last night. He received back more test results. It seems like there is a problem with his liver. The doctor didn't tell him specifically if the cancer had spread there or if there is another problem - he'll tell him that on Monday (on my birthday). I just really hope he's going to be OK. My grandfather has been waiting for me to have a baby for the longest time and now that it is finally happening there are other factors that we never dreamed would be a problem. He said to me last night 'You better hurry up with this baby, I might not be around to see it', a tasteless joke I know. He has a weird sense of humour. Maybe he's trying to make it 'lighter'. He said if the cancer has spread to his liver it's a death sentence. You never know. He could get a transplant or they could cut some of his liver away. The chemo might get it, but there's no point in speculating.

Speaking of my birthday, I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything this year. Usually my birthday is a big deal for me...but I feel so horrid I'm not sure I'm up to anything. I can't drink, I can't eat, I don't feel like dancing. What is left to do except wallow? Last year my party was a real blow out. I remember a copious amount of red wine flowing and sleeping over where I was because neither Rudi or I were in any kind of condition to drive. This year...I'm in a different condition. HA HA.

*I distinguished that there is a different between bulimia and crazy people so don't take offense!

P.S. I'm sitting at work with my jeans untied. Luckily I'm wearing a long jacket so nobody can see. They're too tight and making me feel sick because they're pushing against my stomach. I just hope they don't fall down while I'm walking.