+/- 0kg

Apparently I need to exercise to lose weight. Go figure. I had an OK eating week last week which is probably why I didn't gain, but it seems I won't lose if I'm not walking either. I was sick. Give me a break!

For those of you that don't know, tomorrow our baby would have been born. It's also Rudi's birthday tomorrow. Not only that, two people that were pregnant along with me and due in early April are both giving birth tomorrow. It feels like everyone except me is having their baby tomorrow. FFS. Could they not have waited till next week? Or even Thursday? I suppose I cannot blame them. Babies come when they are ready. Although, both births are planned C-sections. There is also a good chance that our baby could have been with us already (estimated due dates are exactly that, estimations)...but that is something we will never know.

I took leave for Wednesday, anticipating it will be a difficult day for me, but I didn't realize that I would break down on Monday already. I sat crying at my desk yesterday until I finally decided to go home. Jubba and his line manager told me I could take time if I needed it and I need time now.

Wednesday is the last big day. The last chapter in the events that would have led to us having a baby. Rudi told me the other day he wants to celebrate James' birthday in some way each year. He also told me last year that we could celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day, even though we don't have a living baby. I suppose those days could be hard for me too, but luckily they occur on a weekend.

I'm at home again today. I didn't see the point of going into the office, just to have to come home again.

Rudi doesn't understand why I am still upset. Yesterday when he picked me up from work he said 'But his soul is with God now, why are you still sad?'. Men don't really get it, do they?

I have to pick myself up after this. I can't be stuck in this dark cloud forever.

By the way, the number I had for my father was a number for a company. My grandfather called them yesterday and they don't know who he is. I guess this journey continues.

Updates

So in case you were wondering...I did go and walk again last night :) We walked before we cooked supper so it was quite a bit warmer than when we walked after 19:00 on Tuesday. The heat aided in us working up quite a sweat. Still felt good! We took the same route as the last walk and it wasn't necessarily less strenious, but I didn't get a stitch this time so there is already improvement. On Saturday we are going through to Tableview to visit my great aunt and going for a walk on the beach afterwards, no matter how strong the wind is! (I've used that as an excuse not to walk on the beach before) The sand offers nice resistance and should make it a good workout. We've also started looking at taking other routes to keep it interesting. There are quite a few nice houses in our area so it will be nice to walk around and look at all of them.

The eating plan is still going well, although I'm curious to see how it will turn out on the weekend. I just know Rudi will fall off the wagon with the 'no drinking' part of it. In fact, he already has when he went to darts on Wednesday. He's already made plans to have a snoek (fish) braai (BBQ) with Crack Head tonight and told him to buy a six pack or a bottle of brandy. I told him he can really do whatever he likes as long as he doesn't expect to get the best results. He's never been on a diet or eating plan in his life before and I don't think he realizes just how difficult it can be sometimes. I hope he is inspired by my diligence and the results I hope to obtain. I suddenly can't wait to get onto the scale on Tuesday to see the fruits of my labour!

I was so busy at work yesterday I completely forgot to blog about the hilarious thing that happened at home on Wednesday! We were cooking supper and I needed to have a shower before going to church. After getting undressed Rudi decided to take advantage of my lack of clothing. One thing led to another and I guess we got a bit carried away...only to realize afterwards that we had burnt our food! Luckily the damage wasn't too bad and we managed to eat it. We're still having a good chuckle about it though.

I'm trying my best to just enjoy the sexy time Rudi and I are having together without thinking of babies or whether the time together will result in a pregnancy. It's craziness! I'm still charting my temperatures and monitoring how my body feels. We're still trying at the 'right' times, but I'm not going to stress about it too much. It will come. Eventually! (read: I hope it happens this month)

I'm looking forward to the weekend. Tonight I'm going to watch Bride Wards with Leebeesa. Just a diet coke this time, no popcorn. It's going to be fun! Let us hope the rest of the weekend doesn't turn out to be as disastrous as last weekend was.