Thursday, 15 January 2009

Fame

The Leo in me hungers for fame and attention, although I am not necessarily a spotlight seeker. Because I have low self esteem I don't flaunt the way I think I might if I were thinner circumstances were different.

When you fall pregnant, you become a celebrity in your own right. Suddenly everybody is interested in you...your blog stats will go up. That's for sure. People constantly want to know how you are...even if you growl at them when they ask because you feel like throwing up on your keyboard. People constantly give you gifts for the baby (I got more gifts for the baby on my birthday last year than I got for myself). Hell...people even throw a party for you near the end. All in all it really makes you feel special and cared about.

I miss that. Every woman gets her 15 minutes of fame this way. Sometimes the attention is probably unwanted. Perhaps she is a mistress, not a partner. Perhaps she is still a child herself...but attention she will have.

I am in a place in my life where the attention was most welcome. My family was overjoyed and announced the news to one and all. Colleagues were happy for me. Friends were happy for me. I am married, so there is no scandal. In fact, it is expected.

I think next time I am pregnant I'll keep it quiet until we're sure everything is OK. Everyone knowing last time turned out not to be such a good thing.

Other than that my cycle still has not started. Only 1 day late so far. It's probably still out of whack from the pregnancy. I need to be patient with this. In fact...I think I need to stop trying so hard. It's so difficult to put it out of my mind when it is something I think about so often on a daily basis. As Wenchy said, I should try to see it as a journey - not as a destination. I am definitely getting better with time. I am not nearly as anxious as I was last month and my stomach isn't in a knot every time I go to the loo.

I DO hate waiting though. Not just for this, for anything. I try to be as punctual as possible and hate waiting for people. My Evil Mother is one who is always late for everything. I think it's disrespectful to be late. It shows you have no regard for the other person's time. It drives me nuts. I'll forgive Mother Nature this time around though since I want something from her. Yeah I know. Love me. Double standards and all.

UPDATE

*blush* One of my male colleagues sent me an e-mail to tell me I look nice today. That was a bit of a ego boost, then another colleague walked up to me and said he was looking at my eyes peeking over the cubicle partition and he thought 'Who is this babe?' then decided to come and tell me about it. What's going on?!

8 comments:

Wenchy said...

Yay! I love you extra now... love being quoted! :)

You are gorgeous babe. You should expect compliments.

JaneW said...

You are gorgeous and I bet you look stunning. Good luck with TTC. I know it is hard but it is best NOT to focus on it. It happens when you STOP trying. Also don't fear telling people and being happy. I lost my first at 25 weeks (you never know if/when it is going to be ok). With Quinn (my oldest son who was at BB with me) I also had doubt and fear, and then I consciously decided to immerse myself in his pregnancy and cherish it, because no matter what I was going to enjoy and be grateful for whatever I did get. Don't deny yourself, hope happiness and love, out of fear.

I am dying to know who Jabba is btw! ;)

J

acidicice said...

Wenchy: <3 you too!

Jane: Girl, that sounds like some GOOD advice! I am sorry for you loss...I was almost just as far as you when we lost James. That must have been terrible. Your two healthy boys give me hope for the future though! Thank you for that.

Glugster said...

Howzit.

Dave here!

I put the link to my RSS feed on my comments page and I'm sending you some link love. Ok? OK?

LOL

Wenchy said...

Link love? Kinky.

acidicice said...

Hey Dave - I've subscribed to your feed in my browser cos my bloglines doesn't seem to pick it up. Fanks for the link luv! Checking my analytics to see if it is paying off ;)

Wenchy - That's how we roll!

angel said...

i LOVE days like that, you're not necessarily feeling down or anything- but you get a couple of compliments and suddenly you're on cloud 9!

acidicice said...

Yeah Angel. They rock! It's amazing how acceptance and acknowledgement from people you don't even necessarily care about can boost your spirits. We truly are strange creatures.