Saturday, 17 January 2009

Facelift

I thought it was time to change the look and feel of my blog a little. I'm liking the new pink, but my banner is KILLING ME!

As you can see, it doesn't fit. Recently I squished it in paint a bit, but it distorted the image, so I canned that.

The image is special to me because it contains pictures of Rudi, me and my family and it was made for me by a friend (he runs the Kuier website).

Can anyone help me either make this thing fit or resizing it to the correct size without distorting it?

I'm really going to try my best to change my mindset. I know that thinking about conceiving all the time really just makes it harder in the end. I need to focus on something else, or throw myself into another challenge to do this. The only thing that I can think of that will sufficiently distract me is weight loss. My mind tends to get very 'one track' when I'm trying to lose weight. Many friends have told me though that it won't be a good idea to try and lose weight if I'm trying to fall pregnant. The things is...losing weight assists with fertility and it would be better for both the baby and myself if I was lighter. My clothes are starting to be too tight to wear and I'm starting to become overly conscious of this again. What to do...what to do.

I was listening to a song by The Script on the radio this morning and it made me think of Rudi and I with this whole situation with the loss of our child.

They say bad things happen for a reason
But those wise words ain't gonna stop the bleeding
Cos she's [ed: he's] moved on while I'm still grieving
Cos when a heart breaks no it don't breakeven

What am I suppose to do when the best part of me was always you
What am I suppose to say when I'm all choked up and your ok
I'm falling to pieces
I'm falling to pieces


I consumed a bottle of red wine by myself yesterday. It was fun. I think I'll do it again today. Why the hell not? It is weekend, after all.

6 comments:

JaneW said...

Hi. I wanted to share the story of Angelique with you.

She was born too early (unexplained at 25 weeks) and nothing was done to support her, so she only survived for 15-20 minutes. There was nothing (evidently 'wrong' with her). I was 23 at the time and it was the most difficult and painful thing I have ever gone though. But it has been life defining, it has made me who I am today. I chose to use her experience and my memory of her in a positive way. To make me better, stronger, more compassionate and ultimately a better person and MOM.

Here story is here: http://www.earthbabies.co.za/modules.php?name=Content&pa=showpage&pid=104

After her birth I too wanted to be pregnant again as soon ass possible. In fact I wanted to in my mind just have one LOOONG pregnancy, so that I didn't have to separate her in my mind.

My husband (at the time) wouldn't do it. He needed time to grieve and heal and reconcile what had happened. He actually moved out for 4 months to live on his own, think, write, fast etc. In that time I too had time to process what had happened. I had just started doing yoga and that helped a lot with working through the feelings and dealing with it all. I realised that it takes your body as long to heal and return to normal after a pregnancy as the length you were pregnant for, and to give the next pregnancy the best chance possible you SHOULD get your self into peak condition first. I used the time to prepare myself physically and mentally and be sure that the next time I was lucky enough to be pregnant that I would really be READY to be a parent.

She was born on March 23rd, the next year on 3 Jan (our anniversary) my husband (at the time) told me he felt ready and thought the time was right. We decided to do detox together for a week and ate only vegetarian and mostly uncooked food for most of a month to make sure we were both very healthy. We started trying properly after my next cycle at the end of Jan. I conceived in early April. and Quinn was born on 3 Jan the next year.

In retrospect much as it was hard for me to accept that I had to wait before getting pregnant again, I know it was the right thing to do.

Of course her story is not the same as yours, and I can't pretend to imagine what you have and are going through, but I thought perhaps this may help in some way.

All the best. xxx

acidicice said...

Jane, thank you SO much for sharing this with me. I cannot, CANNOT imagine what this must have been like for you. I can make sense of my situation and even had a little time to prepare myself for what was to come, but you never had that opportunity. My hear breaks for Angelique. It seems that today is going to be a wet faced day for me. You have great courage, my friend.

Glugster said...

I can sort out the header image for you if you want. I can resize it without distorting it. Just send it to me: theglugster@gmail.com

Will sort it out tonight.

acidicice said...

Thanks a million Dave. I have mailed the image to you. Somehow I kinda guessed you would be the one able to do it - even while writing the post ;)

angel said...

i am so with you on the weight loss being beneficial- not only to take your mind off things.
i have an aunt who has one half of one ovary left due to endometriosis, was told that her chances of falling pregnant naturally were slim to none! they spent R50K on treatments before deciding to consider adoption, and she went onto "sureslim" at the same time. within a few months she was pregnant! and another friend of mine battled for 5 years and when they were starting to consider treatments she went onto weigh less and was preggers in a couple of months!

acidicice said...

Hi Angel. I've been hearing this over and over again. I will not torture myself with SureSlim again - I've done it once and it works very well and very fast, but it isn't sustainable for me. I think this just might work...