+/-0kg

I didn't gain any weight. Thank goodness. I need to get my mind right again and start working towards good results. I told Rudi this morning, even if we don't start eating right immediately we should at least start exercising again.

I am sad today. Today it has been six months since James died. Sjoe. That was hard to type. I'm feeling very tearful and emotional. I feel so frustrated that these feelings keep bubbling up when I least expect them to. Today one of the pregnant women in the office was speaking very loudly about how wonderful her scan was and how amazing everything is (it's her second child) and it stung. I really don't resent her or blame her for being pregnant, it's just hard to hear these things when I had a taste of that myself and then it was gone. Pregnancy for me has a lot of negative memories - all the happy memories I have, like hearing his heartbeat or seeing him yawn on the scan have been tainted by the pain, hurt and loss that I feel.

I feel *so* bad for feeling this way. I feel resentful, bitter and jealous and then I feel guilty for feeling resentful, bitter and jealous. These are all ugly emotions that I don't like, but seem to feel anyway. I can't stop it, can I? Can I?

Rudi is sick today. He says he has been throwing up. I've made an appointment for him at the doctor. I hope he is OK and that I don't get whatever he has. I am not in the mood for being sick. I already feel quite run down emotionally. I don't need to feel bad physically as well.

Thanks to my friends on Twitter for their support...and everyone who contacted me today to show they care. I love you!

+200g

So...I picked up 200g this week. Disappointed much?

Things I may have done wrong last week:

Staying hungry for a couple of hours on Saturday (Rudi's fault - he didn't want to leave the pub)
Eating after 23:00 on Saturday (Rudi's fault again! Would rather sit around drinking and talking nonsense rather than braaing)
Not eating what I was meant to Sunday evening (still ate healthy, just not what was on the menu)
Skipping our walk on Saturday (it was too hot!!)

Plus I'm ovulating right now. That could also be contributing. It's the first time I've tried to diet whilst ovulating, I was always on the pill before so it wasn't really a factor. Rudi lost 400g.

Got to keep on keeping on and see what happens next week.

-1.4kg

So today was weigh day for the first time since I've started my new eating plan and excercising. I've lost 1.4kg so far. Rudi has lost 1.8kg in the same period of time.

I am a bit annoyed that he lost more than me despite the fact that he drank BEER and COKE on Wednesday night and drank on the weekend. Not only that when we went to the Spur last night he enjoyed chips, onion rings and a burger while I had a slimmer's steak with green salad. He also didn't walk with me on Saturday.

It's SO unfair that men lose weight faster than women and don't have to work so hard at it. Even though they aren't really pressured to be 'thin'. I know. I'm competitive. WHATEVER!

I'm not going to let that get me down though and I'm going to keep on keeping on. We've decided that we're going to take Valentine's Day off for dieting and going to eat out and eat whatever we want. I look forward to it!