Service for the Departed

So this is going to be a really hard week for me. On Sunday James will be baptised and sealed. Once every four months we have 'Service for the Departed' which is dedicated to those souls who have passed on and are in the 'realms of the beyond' (this is a place between your time on earth and the after life). At every Service for the Departed babies who did not get the opportunity in life are baptised and sealed. The purpose of these services is to offer grace for those who may not have obtained this while on earth. Bear in mind this is something that is (as far as I understand) unique to our religion and something that I have been raised to believe in.

So on Sunday it is the first Service for the Departed since James passed on. He will be in the forefront of my mind, along with others I know that have passed and even those I don't know of. I have already become emotional during choir practices where we are already preparing hymns for the service. It was touched upon in the service past which already brought tears to my eyes. I will be sitting in the back, Rudi has already been told his presence is non-negotiable. I will not stay for chatter and tea and cake after service. I will be leaving directly after.

While others have forgotten that I am still grieving for the child I have lost, the pain is still very real to me. I was just starting to feel a bit better when all these events started coming up. I would have been on maternity leave now. It would have been less than a month to my due date. I probably would have had my baby shower already (others that were pregnant with me are having theirs)...and so I just feel crushed again.

My gynae thinks I could be/will be pregnant again by May, but that is him guessing. It's not like he's saying 'you're going to receive a bill from me in May' - that I could count on. I cannot count on when he or anyone else thinks I'm going to be pregnant. Nobody knows. I wonder sometimes if knowing would help me to relax and help me to feel better. I would probably be unsatisfied with the date if it wasn't March (yes, I know already that February wasn't the month for us either). Rudi is very laid back about it. My comment about purchasing an ovulation microscope was met with rolling of eyes and a sigh. Rudi doesn't believe in calculations and tests.

So here's a warning. I'm going to be gloomy all week and perhaps even next week. I'm not going to suck it up just yet, but after this Service for the Departed and 18 March (my estimated due date) I will pick up and carry on with my life. I still need a bit of time.

Interesting Developments

Where to start...

My car went in for a service on Friday. One of the headlights had somehow been damaged and I asked them to repair it, R1200.00 later. Then they called me to say my brakes weren't going to make it to the next service, R1300.00 later. Why am I leaking money?! Anyway...when I got my car back he no longer had a Paris Hilton (read: droopy) eye and no longer makes a knocking sound when I turn (loose bearings apparently, no charge) so I'm happy. My car feels better, so I feel better about shelling out R2500.00 for him.

We had a quiet evening on Friday. It was yesterday that things got interesting...

Yesterday after work (yes I worked this weekend) I went to fetch Rudi at the pub where he was playing darts after the morning's fishing trip. Boring People (the couple) were there. We discussed having a braai the evening and even some of the finer details like what they should bring. I was starving since I hadn't eaten anything since breakfast at 7:00 and it was already after 13:00. Needless to say I didn't want to eat pub food and asked Rudi when we could leave. He assured me it was his last game of darts, but as soon as the game was finished he said...'This is the last one, promise' to which my reply was 'How long is this going to take?!' I was huffy and grumpy because I was starving. We finally left.

We were expecting our guests around 18:00. They didn't show...Crack Head made his appearance, but no sign of Boring People. I asked Rudi to start the fire so long as by 19:00 we hadn't heard anything yet. At almost 20:00 Boring Person (Male) SMS'd Rudi to say he had just woken up and Boring Person (Female) had already made food. He went on to say they didn't appreciate my attitude and didn't want to be in a place where I was going to be belittling their friend (Rudi). Rudi was understandably upset, I was livid. Rudi replied 'Don't understand, please explain'. About one and a half hours later he replied saying that he has no problem with Rudi, but he heard me ask Rudi 'How long is this going to take?!' and he knows Rudi and life well enough to know when there is a problem. He doesn't like the way I speak to Rudi, it upsets him.

I'm sorry, WHAT?! Last time I checked, Rudi didn't have a problem with the way I speak to him and it just so happens not to be any of his business. Aside from eavesdropping, he saw fit to speak crap about me to my husband, thereby interfering in our marriage. Nice friend. Rudi was very taken aback and disappointed, saying 'he must be drunk'.

I don't care HOW drunk you are, you butt out of other people's affairs! Don't even get me STARTED on him. I could very well sit here and write a load of crap about him and his lifestyle and partner choices, but I choose not to. You know why? Because it's NONE OF MY BUSINESS!

Anyway. I'm seriously pissed off about it and told Rudi that he will not be welcome in my home and should not expect me to be friends with him. Crack Head thought this incredibly funny since Boring People have now been demoted to his level.

That being said, Crack Head and I have sort of made peace and I've decided to give him another chance. It's been more than a year since our falling out and Rudi seems determined to keep him as a friend, so for Rudi's sake I decided to try and change my attitude towards him and clear the animosity between us.

Not much help since Boring People have now created animosity between us again. Idiots!

Bad Friday

I'm having what is commonly referred to as a 'data bundle' day where I work. I'm getting a lot of these queries today and they are generally notorious for being the worst kind of query. The customers that send through these kind of queries are often demanding and unreasonable. They don't take no for an answer and don't accept explanations. They will argue with you until you can't argue anymore. I have three of these queries sitting waiting for me right now. I'm working around them. Postponing the inevitable. Flitting around them, avoiding them until I have no choice but to call these customers and listen to their accusing tones.

The way customer's treat me affects me. I know I should let it roll off me, but it doesn't. I don't like being accused, held accountable, shouted at or threatened. I suppose nobody does. I take all the abuse because it's my job, but I can't stand it when people don't understand that they are speaking to a PERSON, not a computer. I can't be held responsible for business rules I didn't make or terms and conditions that I didn't write. Also, some people think that if you shout and are rude you are going to get what you want. I know for a fact that people who are treated with respect are more willing to help you than people who feel intimidated. I suppose a lot of people are just inarticulate.

There are other ways to bring across your frustrations. There are other ways of venting your anger. Stooping to petty name calling and exasperated shouting isn't going to get you anywhere. You can be calm, friendly AND firm. It is possible.

Be a nice customer. You might be surprised every now and then how far someone is willing to go to give you what YOU want.