The Spider

*shudder*

The weekend has been quite chilled out. On Friday we went to a colleague's birthday and I had quite a good time. Even dared the dance floor with no drinks in me! I could hardly believe it!

The entire Saturday was spent vegging. It was just what I needed. Today Rudi joined me for church (a rare treat) and we spent lunch at his parents house to celebrate Father's Day.

We were chilling on the couch this evening. I had just woken up from a nap, just in time to catch Friday's episode of 7de Laan which I had missed when Rudi asked me to leave the room with him. I resisted as I was trying to watch TV and enjoying some chocolate, but he persisted and he led me out of the room by my hand. Cool as a cucumber. Once out of the lounge he told me there was a huge spider against the wall. Not believing him I went to have a look and this is what I saw:




If you enlarge the first picture you will see the reflection of the flash in the spider's eye.

Rudi and I are both terrified of spiders. I was standing squealing and Rudi was trying to calm me, not knowing what to do. I called Bradley, thinking 'he's a manly man', but his advice was to spray it with bug spray and smack it with a shoe once it moved. I didn't want to do that. Then I remembered my grandfather often caught rain spiders where they live and they don't live too far away. I gave him a call and he said he'd be right over.

He caught it in a jar within seconds and has taken it home to release in their garden. My hero!

Here are some more pics I took, some with a tea light candle for perspective. My grandfather says it's still a baby. I don't want to know where daddy and mommy are.






To quote a funny and informative article about rain spiders from IOL:

"...plunge households into turmoil through arguments over who is going to remove them, reducing strapping alpha males into Tupperware-clutching wrecks."

I think I need a shower to wash the creep off me. *shudder*

Mother's Day

So Sunday would have been/is my first Mother’s Day. It will be another difficult day. Do they never end? I guess not. Rudi said something about going to his mother’s house for a pot roast or something to celebrate. I suppose I would have objected if James was still with us. I would have wanted my very own Mother’s Day with my new baby. I would have wanted to spend it with our small little family. Our new family.

That dream didn’t pan out. Better luck next time. Pffft.

Sarah cut my hair for me on Tuesday…a valiant effort, but not 100% right. I have made a hair appointment for Saturday to have my colour evened out and a proper haircut. I’ve already spent over R330 on colour alone and now the hair appointment is going to cost me another R350. I should have gone to the hairdresser in the first place. If I ever mention trying to colour my hair again – slap me and tell me to make an appointment with the hairdresser.

Can’t wait to see what we’re getting from work for Mother’s Day. There are piles of boxes waiting to be unpacked…obviously they are keeping us guessing. All the women in the company get something and on Father’s Day all the men get something…so at least I won’t be left out of that.

Work is still hectic. I anticipate for the pace to continue until the end of the month. The promotion that has been causing all the problems will then be over and we can hopefully breathe again. I better go and earn my salary.

+/- 0kg

Apparently I need to exercise to lose weight. Go figure. I had an OK eating week last week which is probably why I didn't gain, but it seems I won't lose if I'm not walking either. I was sick. Give me a break!

For those of you that don't know, tomorrow our baby would have been born. It's also Rudi's birthday tomorrow. Not only that, two people that were pregnant along with me and due in early April are both giving birth tomorrow. It feels like everyone except me is having their baby tomorrow. FFS. Could they not have waited till next week? Or even Thursday? I suppose I cannot blame them. Babies come when they are ready. Although, both births are planned C-sections. There is also a good chance that our baby could have been with us already (estimated due dates are exactly that, estimations)...but that is something we will never know.

I took leave for Wednesday, anticipating it will be a difficult day for me, but I didn't realize that I would break down on Monday already. I sat crying at my desk yesterday until I finally decided to go home. Jubba and his line manager told me I could take time if I needed it and I need time now.

Wednesday is the last big day. The last chapter in the events that would have led to us having a baby. Rudi told me the other day he wants to celebrate James' birthday in some way each year. He also told me last year that we could celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day, even though we don't have a living baby. I suppose those days could be hard for me too, but luckily they occur on a weekend.

I'm at home again today. I didn't see the point of going into the office, just to have to come home again.

Rudi doesn't understand why I am still upset. Yesterday when he picked me up from work he said 'But his soul is with God now, why are you still sad?'. Men don't really get it, do they?

I have to pick myself up after this. I can't be stuck in this dark cloud forever.

By the way, the number I had for my father was a number for a company. My grandfather called them yesterday and they don't know who he is. I guess this journey continues.

The other episode

I had another episode on Saturday night that I forgot to blog about. I was watching TV and the Clicks (a chain store here in South Africa) played their Christmas advertisement. Clicks always have huge Mother's Day and Father's Day campaigns and advertisements and I was suddenly reminded of how much I was looking forward to celebrating my first Mother's Day. Rudi and I were sitting on the couch and I just suddenly started bawling. The poor man couldn't understand what on earth was wrong and I can understand his confusion. I <3 Christmas and I had just seen a very Christmassy advertisement.

I explained to him why I was upset and he said that there is no reason why she shouldn't still celebrate Mother's Day and Father's Day. He said that there is no reason for us to forget. I know that many, if not all of the mommies on My Parenting Community will agree with him, although somehow it still feels weird.

I still don't consider myself a mother, even though I acknowledge, miss and love the baby that I had. I suppose my definition of a 'mother' is different from other people's. I suppose my definition of a 'parent' is someone with a living child. That is not necessarily correct. The dictionary says:

mother [muhth-er]

–noun 1. a female parent.
2. (often initial capital letter) one's female parent.
3. a mother-in-law, stepmother, or adoptive mother.
4. a term of address for a female parent or a woman having or regarded as having the status, function, or authority of a female parent.

and the dictionary definition of parent:

parent [pair-uhnt, par-]

–noun 1. a father or a mother.
2. an ancestor, precursor, or progenitor.
3. a source, origin, or cause.
4. a protector or guardian.
5. Biology. any organism that produces or generates another.

That doesn't really clear it up. Mother's Day comes before Father's Day usually. Can't wait to see what Rudi will do. I hope it won't be like my birthday...perhaps breakfast in bed and a last minute present after asking me what I want on the day. Pffft.