pregnancy week by week

Monday, 04 May 2009

My grandfather is dying...

So it seems I might have misunderstood my grandfather somewhat. Apparently he has 6 - 12 months to live whether or not the cancer has spread to his lungs. The doctors say he'll need to have two major surgeries in which they remove the pieces of his liver that are infected and two more rounds of chemo. Apparently they'll cut right across his chest to operate on his liver and of course he refuses the chemo. He would rather not live at all as chemo really negates your quality of life. I try my best not to think about's very upsetting. My grandfather has been the constant in my life. My role model. My father. He means the world to me. He asked me the other day what I am going to buy him for his last birthday *sigh*

I cannot wrap my mind around my grandfather not being around. What will happen to my grandmother? My grandfather said he is in the process of making provision for her. He still hasn't updated his will, which he needs to do to ensure My Evil Mother does not rob the rest of the family...again.

I'm still not trying to conceive. I considered it again...taking this new information into account...but I am *so* much happier since I've stopped obsessing about it that I simply cannot go back. I would be stupid to submit myself to such torture. It really was getting bad for me. I'm not simply referring to sexy time being scheduled and losing it's lustre. Emotionally it is path I have chosen to step away from and I need to stick to that choice. We're still not trying to prevent pregnancy...and it does still move to the forefront of my mind. It also does not help being surrounded by so many pregnant women, but that is something that is out of my control. It will happen eventually. I just need to be patient.

Tomorrow is weigh day. I'm dreading it. Rudi has been badgering me to go back to exercising and eating right and I have conceded that we should do so, but we're just not getting around to it.

Work is beckoning me. I can't ignore it matter how hard I try!


Ruby said...

I'm so sorry hun:( Lots and lots of hugs coming your way!! *hug*

AngelConradie said...

Aw sweetie... I'm so very sorry you have to go through all this.
As for the TTC, only you will know when you and Rudi will be ready for it again, in all ways.