+/- 0kg

The scale stood still for me again today. I'm super stoked about it since it's my ovulation week (last month I gained 200g)...and I ate such a load of nonsense over the weekend. I didn't drink my water on Thursday, Saturday or Sunday and we skipped our Thursday walk because I was ill.

This morning Rudi was sick. He was throwing up and everything. On the one hand I feel bad for him because he's sick, on the other hand I'm not so sympathetic. He didn't believe I was really ill last week. I think he thought I was trying to get out of going fishing with him. I felt hurt that he wouldn't believe me and said something along the lines of 'I wish you could feel how I feel'. Now he does. I hope we don't keep on re-infecting each other. I'm only just starting to feel better. My voice isn't 100% back yet, but I'm not very sick. I also still have a bit of a cough. Rudi hates it when I cough...it irritates him for some reason. He'll rather have me down cough mixture than listen to me cough my lungs out. Of course when he felt nauseous this morning he said 'Maybe you're pregnant'. Go figure. He is sick and it's somehow my fault. LOL. Had to stress with him that I'm still ovulating and it's just a little too early to tell!

Even though my microscope says I'm 'not fertile' I think I still am. My body is giving me clear signs that I am still ovulating, pain in my nether regions being one of them. I guess we're done trying for this month though. Rudi won't be able to participate in the condition he is in. Also I don't know if he'll walk with me tonight being so sick. I guess I'll take a couple of laps around the complex.

Thank you so much for the overwhelming response I received yesterday with regards to finding my father. I've even gotten a number to try and call. Suddenly I'm scared and nervous. What if he doesn't want to hear from me? I'm a chicken. A friend offered to phone the number and make enquiries...For those who have requested an ID number or date of birth, I will try and fish these out from My Evil Mother if at all possible.

Since losing James the concept of 'family' and 'children' has changed for me. Finding my biological father is somewhat of a sensitive issue now. Now that I understand that parental bond you form with a child that isn't even born yet...I don't know. Suddenly I'm confused. Maybe I need some dutch courage!

My Father

I've been meaning to blog about this for a long time, but I haven't yet. Perhaps because I don't think it will work.

I want to find my biological father again. The last time I saw him I must have been 12 or 13. So that would be 14 - 15 years ago. We always tracked him down via his mother, but this failed the last time we tried. I wanted to track him down when I got married, but we couldn't find my grandmother in the phonebook as we always could.

All this being said - there isn't a hole in my life where he should be. My grandfather has filled the male role model role as much as he could. My stepfather was also there, but not necessarily someone to look up to. Lots of other stuff behind that as well. My father also tried to legally disown me at some point, but I don't think it was for any other reason besides the fact that he couldn't afford to pay maintenance and knowing My Evil Mother she was probably trying to milk him. I don't remember him ever being well off financially. I remember I was on his medical aid for a while too when I was younger.

All these years I have only ever heard one side of the story. Now that I have learnt that My Evil Mother is not exactly the best source of information, I'd like to hear his side of things to. Nobody else in my family has ever really spoken badly about him, in fact just recently I heard how helpful and accomodating he was. The worst thing my grandparents mentioned was that he was always trying to start some or other business and failing. Maybe he was just trying to find his own success.

So now I don't know how to get hold of him. Here is what I know:

His name is George William James
He has a brother names Hentie
His mother's name is Wilana De Vries
Last known location: Bloemfontein
Last known job: Driver for Blue Label (according to his mother)
Last known wife: Isabelle (as far as I know)
Other children: Nicholas and Johnathan (that I know of)

So if anyone out there is in Bloemfontein, or has a contact at home affairs...or knows what I should do to find him, please leave me a comment and let me know.