Not a cure

I am so freaking sick and tired of being sick. The lollipops either only work in the morning or it was a fluke. I was so ill last night that I didn't go to church. I feel so guilty about not going, but I really am sick.

It's important that I go to church now. Especially with my grandfather being sick and me wanting God's blessing with the baby.

I feel so helpless. I was crying last night. Poor Rudi also doesn't know what to do with me. He's just as helpless as I am. Strangely enough I seem to feel most ill at night.

I've started taking the the morning sickness tablets again. I really can't feel this way all the time. I'm a wuss. I know it. I don't care what anyone says or thinks.

Rudi says I should go to the doctor, but I don't think that there's anything the doctor can do for me either. I'm not supposed to be taking any medicine or anything. Baby Centre says I should try exercising. Apparently it helps. It's winter now and it's cold and raining. I don't have any exercise equipment and I don't have a gym subscription. How am I supposed to exercise? Walk up and down the stairs? Bleugh.

We went to look at another apartment yesterday. It's smaller than what we have now and costs more. Pfft. I'm starting to feel like we're not going to find anything. The agent said that if we don't find something in the first two weeks we might be screwed because most of the properties are gone by then.

Can't I just sleep through the next month and wake up feeling normal in a great new place - already moved?

FFS. I'm not asking much here.

P.S. The lollipops still seem to work in the mornings. I forgot to mention that I'm getting dark circles under my eyes. Now I don't only feel like shit, I look like shit too. Great.