Friday, 29 August 2008

1st Trimester Blues - RANT WARNING

I hate this. I absolutely hate this. I will not do this again if someone paid me a million bucks. I will read this blog entry again if I am ever stupid enough to consider doing this again.

Being pregnant SUCKS. I've always said that I always wanted to be pregnant, but I never wanted a baby. Oh how naive! I saw happy pregnant ladies (with no stretch marks, mind you) in magazines...smiling and holding their beautiful belly. I saw parents laughing and in awe with their baby's movements. I saw glowing, happy and healthy women. What I did not see was a miserable women with dark rings under her eyes, stretchmarks on 2/3 of her body hanging over a toilet bowl crying.

I fucking hate the media. LIARS! My entire life the media has been telling me I'm not thin enough and I'm not pretty enough. I learned to deal with that. There will always be someone better than me...but why lie to me about this?! Why allow me to inflict this kind of misery on myself?!

You hear about 'morning sickness', but nobody really tells you how bad you feel. ALL THE TIME. NOW people are telling me that it was bad and a lot of people have told me that they suffered for their entire pregnancy, not just the first trimester as God surely intended. Now I am even more disheartened and see no end in sight. I can't possibly feel like this till March next year. I will slit my wrists.

Apparently this will subside or disappear completely once the placenta takes over the production of hormones. I know the placenta is there - they gynae identified it in the scan I went for, so what the hell is it doing now? Just hanging around? Work damnmit! Do what you are meant to do!

Thursday, 28 August 2008

Sick of being Sick

I'm feeling rather fragile this morning. I don't know about you, but even I am tired hearing myself complain. I'm actually tired of complaining. It's not like it helps. Or does it?

I don't think the tablets I was taking for the morning sickness are working anymore. I was feeling rather sick while taking them, so I decided not to buy again. They're bloody expensive too. They cost R62.00 for a 10 day supply. I've probably bought around 4 or 5 of those.

I wish this morning sickness would go away. We're moving this weekend and I'm not sure if everyone will understand how I feel. Not only that, they've predicted rain the entire weekend. How are we supposed to move in the rain without getting all our stuff wet?!

Pffft.

I have absolutely no desire to do anything. I want to crawl into bed and sleep. I just want to pull the covers over my head and hide away from the world until I feel better.

Speaking of moving...I <3 my housekeeper. She's packed up our entire house. Bless her. I don't know what I would do without that lady! Our house looks so...empty. All the ornaments and most of the curtains are gone. Everything is put in a box. She's also coming to help us on Sunday. She's not afraid to work. She works really hard and LOVES packing stuff away. My grandfather always used to call her 'Miss Pack Away' because she'd pack away all his junk and he could never find it. If you call her she'll know exactly where she put it though. She is really invaluable when moving. I'm paying her double on Sunday and it will be worth it!

We had a CEO roadshow yesterday. It was the last one for our current CEO as he is retiring. He had a heart attack last year and is obviously under strict instructions to retire since his job is really stressful. We could tell that he wasn't well. He was not the CEO of roadshows before. There were paramedics on standby the entire time. It was really sad to see him like that. He was a founding father of our company and pioneered the business in our country. We are really proud of him and it will be sad to see him go.

Time for me to go and mope.

Wednesday, 27 August 2008

Waterworks

I was feeling so utterly horrible last night. I had just eaten some mashed potato (which I felt like) and realized that I had put WAY too much salt in it. I felt SO sick last night. I burst into tears. Rudi completely blew me away by saying the right things and comforting me. He is not very good at that. He spoke to me nicely and recommended I take a hot bath or shower to make myself feel better. It did. I felt a lot better. He then made me a cup of hot chocolate - which made me feel a little worse, but I asked for it and didn't have the heart to tell him.

I went to buy the rug I fell in love with last night. I also bought the scatter cushions that are going to tie the rug in with my decor. The rug is rolled up and ready to be moved so I don't have a picture of it, but I have a crappy picture of the cushions. It was taken with my cell phone in bad light so the colour isn't great and it's grainy, but here they are:



The blue matches the blue in the carpet and the purple ties in with my curtains.

The sickness I was feeling really put a damper on my purchase though. Usually spending such a large amount of money would at least have me excited about my purchase and I was happy, but I was not bouncing like I should be.

Just had a lovely chat with a colleague who had her baby last year. She was genuinely interested in how I'm doing and gave me a few tips.

Please God let this morning sickness go away soon.

11 weeks today!

P.S. No news about the walker yet.

Tuesday, 26 August 2008

Out of Stock

I was so excited to go and buy my grandmother's walker yesterday, but they were out of stock. The guy that works there took my details and told me he'd try to source one for me or let me know when the new stock arrives either today or tomorrow. I really hope I can get one for her. He also mentioned the price and it's a bit more than I originally thought, but I don't mind. I was just so excited to give it to her.

I finally got the bio-oil I've been threatening to get it and then forgot to put it on after I got out the shower! I spoilt myself and bought myself some exfoliating face wash and a new moisturiser because my nose has been dry and flaky for a while and it looks horrible. When I went to have my eyebrows waxed the beautician asked me if I had sunburn (in the WINTER?!). It looks much better today. So even though they didn't have what I wanted at the pharmacy, I spent R350.00 there anyway. It's a HUGE discount pharmacy and they have loads of stuff. You can't walk out of there without having spent some money.

I hope to have my hair seen to soon as well as the regrowth is really starting to bug me. I'm going to wait till I've had my next gynae appointment first though.



I'm still excited about moving, but didn't bother to actually do anything yet. I'm so lazy. Perhaps I'll dig in the garage tonight and put a box together or something. I'm super excited about getting the new rug and will definitely take 'before' and 'after' pictures of our lounge. Perhaps I should make a turn there and ask them to keep the rug and cushions for me. I don't want to have another 'out of stock' experience.

Monday, 25 August 2008

Grandfather

My grandfather called me with more bad news this morning. The doctor thinks he might be diabetic as well. He had a sugar reading of 11 this morning - your sugar is supposed to be around 5 or 6. He is going for a glucose tolerancy test tomorrow. His brother also had diabetes so it is in the family.

He feels like his whole world is crumbling around him. Last year when I had a routine blood screening done and the doctor told me I had to come for the test I burst into tears at the prospect of being diabetic. I can't imagine how my grandfather must feel with the cancer and now this. I told him that I had been for the test last year and what it involved (my test came up clear by the way) and I told him to keep his chin up. Everything that is being tossed at him is manageable. The cancer could be cut/chemo'ed away. Diabetes can be controlled with a good diet and exercise. He told me that he loves me very much and values my support more than I could imagine. He told me that just thinking of me makes him feel better. I nearly cried.

If there is a problem with his blood sugar it would explain why he is feeling tired and doesn't have an appetite.

My grandfather has lived a healthy life. He exercised regularly, ate a balanced diet and never smoked or drank. I can understand his frustration and his confusion as to why his health is suddenly such a huge issue for him. I pray his tests go well tomorrow. He really needs a break.

P.S. I am shocked, but not surprised that I have never used the tag 'exercise' before.

The Last Week

The weekend was boring. We didn't do much, but Rudi spent more time with me this weekend since Crack Head neighbour was away (I couldn't believe my luck!).

It's our last week where we live. We'll be moving next weekend. I'm dreading it. The last time we moved I felt so overwhelmed I wanted to sit in a heap and cry. A lot of people have said they would come and help us, but we'll need to wait and see. I saw a beautiful rug at furniture city that I want to buy. It's a thousand bucks, but it's gorgeous and I want it! I don't know whether I should just go and buy it now...or wait till we move. If I buy it now it's just one more thing that I have to move and I'm sure it's pretty heavy.

I feel like crap this morning. Since I opened my eyes I've felt really sick. I don't know HOW I got through brushing my teeth without hurling, but I did. I felt so sick that I couldn't speak. Opening my mouth felt like an invitation to my stomach to lurch. Rudi's mother says she had morning sickness for the whole 9 months with all 4 of her children :(

I had a dream this weekend that we went for a scan with the new gynae and it was a boy. Rudi has two brothers and a sister. All of them have children. All the children are boys. I wonder if there is something to that. His mother says she's ready for a girl now. She seems to think we'll have another child (she noted this after I said 'So this is your last chance for a girl huh?'). One is enough for me though.

I've managed to eat some pronutro and one or two salticrax. I just hope I feel better soon. At least the fact that I'm sick means that my pregnancy is still on track and the baby is OK.

Friday, 22 August 2008

BLEUGH

I'm feeling crappy again today. Surprise! My tongue feels like a carpet and my stomach is giving me reason not to trust it. In part I am glad for the morning sickness since women that suffer from morning sickness are less likely to miscarry. So the nausea just proves that everything is as it should be. I guess I'll be nervous until I'm officially 12 weeks and in the 'safe zone'. On the other hand I'm really not in the mood to feel sick anymore. I'm totally done with this and I can only hope that it will go away when it is meant to.

I had a brief period of happiness and high spirits yesterday where I was feeling wonderful. One of my colleagues asked me what's up (obviously because they haven't seen me chirpy for quite some time)...I turned to him and said 'I'm glowing!'. He thought it was funny. I have a chocolate sitting waiting to be eaten on my desk but I don't have the stomach for it now.

I weighed myself this morning and I've lost 5kg since I've been pregnant. That's a bonus!

Speaking of bonus, it's our bonus month at work. I decided I'm going to spoil my grandmother with and expensive gift. I feel guilty sometimes because I sometimes feel like I favour my grandfather. His birthday gifts always seem to be more expensive and we spend more time together. She definitely deserves it! She has a heart of gold and is a wonderful, selfless person.

She's had more than one operation on her back and struggles to walk or stand for long periods. The doctors want her to exercise and lose weight so that she has less strain on her back, but she really struggles to do so. My grandfather loves going for walks, but can't take her along because after a few metres she is in pain. Their neighbour recently got a new walker and my grandfather really wants to get her one, but cannot afford it because of all his medical bills with the cancer now and him being off work for a month and not getting paid. Since I will be able to afford it this month I've decided to get her one. They look like this:



We're only getting paid on Monday. I can't wait to get it for her! I already found out where to buy it. I'm excited! I'm going to buy a big bow to put on it too!

Thursday, 21 August 2008

Murder By Hormones

Rudi is really lucky that he was not standing at the top of the stairs last night. I would have pushed him. Where do I start?

Before Rudi left for darts last night (he plays in a league) Amber brought me a gift. A gift in the form of a bleeding little field mouse. She promptly dropped it on the bed and continued to chase the poor thing around. Once I realized she was really chasing something I jumped up screaming. Rudi rescued the poor thing, much to Amber's dismay.

I was feeling really sick last night and took new bedding out with every intention of putting it on the bed, but I never really felt up to it. I noticed that the housekeeper had removed the bucket I keep next to the bed for emergencies and send Rudi an SMS to please bring the bucket up when he got home. The bucket was in the garage and I had already showered and gotten into my PJ's when I made the discovery.

I managed to doze off at about 21:30 and was thoroughly enjoying my sleep. Rudi came ambling in at almost 23:00 (which is normal). He came up the stairs - a bit merry - and woke me up to ask me where the bucket was. I mumbled that it was in the garage and proceeded to try and sleep. He then woke me up again to ask me 'What's this on the bed?' - referring to the bedding I had taken out and not put on the bed. The light was on and he was perfectly capable of seeing what was on the bed. When I didn't answer him he repeated the question. Enraged I got up since I had realized that I needed to pee at this point.

He then HOPPED into bed. My stomach was aching and I was feeling really ill. It felt like he was jumping up and down on the bed next to me. I voiced my dismay - at which point he was fed up with my bitching and finally he let me go to sleep. He also left the bucket downstairs. I don't know why he bothered getting it.

At that very moment I really would have seriously injured him had I not felt incapacitated myself.

Co-incidentally I had to get up at 3:30 again to pee. Pregnant women are supposed to start urinating more frequently around 5 weeks, but I have been getting away with it. I think it has begun.

Peeing and Puking. That's me from now on I guess.

Tuesday, 19 August 2008

Wasted Vitamins

I was SO annoyed this morning! I was taking my vitamins, after successfully brushing my teeth without incident. These tablets are freaking huge and I kind of choked on the last one (a calcium supplement). All my vitamins came up. Where? On my front lawn! I didn't have enough warning to run to the loo as it is situated upstairs and there were dishes in the sink in the kitchen. Rudi was so embarrassed. He still doesn't seem to grasp that I don't have much control over the impulse to vomit.

What a lovely way to start my day. I'm more annoyed about the wasted vitamins than I am about the throwing up on the front lawn (there was nobody there to witness it anyway).

I treated myself to a cappuccino when I came in to work and managed to get them all down. At least throwing them up isn't a daily occurrence.

Rudi tried to get me to take them again immediately. His efforts were met with a glare. Seriously? You want me to put something in my mouth while my stomach is still threatening to hurl out what I just put in there? Tsk. Men.

Monday, 18 August 2008

FOOD MEME!

I saw this on Jenty's blog and thought it might be fun. Some weird stuff on here!

Bold the ones you’ve had

1. Venison
2. Nettle tea
3. Huevos rancheros
4. Steak tartare
5. Crocodile
6. Black pudding
7. Cheese fondue
8. Carp
9. Borscht
10. Baba ghanoush
11. Calamari
12. Pho
13. PB&J sandwich
14. Aloo gobi
15. Hot dog from a street cart
16. Epoisses
17. Black truffle
18. Fruit wine made from something other than grapes
19. Steamed pork buns
20. Pistachio ice cream
21. Heirloom tomatoes
22. Fresh wild berries
23. Foie gras
24. Rice and beans
25. Brawn, or head cheese
26. Raw Scotch Bonnet pepper
27. Dulce de leche
28. Oysters
29. Baklava
30. Bagna cauda
31. Wasabi peas
32. Clam chowder in a sourdough bowl
33. Salted lassi
34. Sauerkraut
35. Root beer float
36. Cognac with a fat cigar
37. Clotted cream tea
38. Vodka jelly
39. Gumbo
40. Oxtail
41. Curried goat
42. Whole insects
43. Phaal
44. Goat’s milk in cheese form
45. Malt whisky from a bottle worth £60/$120 or more
46. Fugu
47. Chicken tikka masala
48. Eel
49. Krispy Kreme original glazed doughnut
50. Sea urchin
51. Prickly pear
52. Umeboshi
53. Abalone
54. Paneer
55. McDonald’s Big Mac Meal
56. Spaetzle
57. Dirty gin martini
58. Beer above 8% ABV
59. Poutine
60. Carob chips
61. S’mores
62. Sweetbreads
63. Kaolin
64. Currywurst
65. Durian
66. Frogs’ legs
67. Beignets, churros, elephant ears or funnel cake
68. Haggis
69. Fried plantain
70. Chitterlings, or andouillette
71. Gazpacho
72. Caviar and blini
73. Louche absinthe
74. Gjetost, or brunost
75. Roadkill
76. Baijiu
77. Hostess Fruit Pie
78. Snail
79. Lapsang souchong
80. Bellini
81. Tom yum
82. Eggs Benedict
83. Pocky
84. Tasting menu at a three-Michelin-star restaurant
85. Kobe beef
86. Hare
87. Goulash
88. Flowers
89. Horse
90. Criollo chocolate
91. Spam
92. Soft shell crab
93. Rose harissa
94. Catfish
95. Mole poblano
96. Bagel and lox
97. Lobster Thermidor
98. Polenta
99. Jamaican Blue Mountain coffee
100. Snake

I need to live a little!

It's my 100th blog post on my new blog. A lot has happened since I started blogging here, including me getting pregnant. I haven't written about My Evil Mother here, which means I haven't had much interaction with her.

I nearly fainted in church yesterday. We were standing for quite some time (ok 5 minutes or so) and while we were praying I starting getting hot flushes and feeling very dizzy and light headed. I sat down, but it didn't seem to help. I ran to the bathroom and leaned against the cold wall. I thought I would throw up, but thankfully I didn't. Someone offered me a chair at the back and kept checking on me (I was sitting up front to begin with). I must have looked awful as a complete stranger came up to me and asked me if I was ok - said she was worried about me. After communion My Evil Mother realized I hadn't been sitting next to her for almost the entire service and came running to me crying to check if I was alright *rolls eyes*. She probably only showed concern because people were watching.

After church I was feeling better and we went to have a picnic. I ended up playing a bit of tennis and shooting some hoops. I got a little exercise for a change and felt really good about it, even though I felt like crap the rest of the day.

I still feel like crap. I can't freaking WAIT for this all day sickness to go away. I'm fed up with it.

A colleague at work gave a gym my contact details. Apparently she needed to nominate 10 people or some crap. I HATE it when people do that. Now I have a gym dude on my back trying to sell me a subscription. The gym is like on the other side of the world too. So I'll go there this afternoon and I'll tell him that I will sign up with Virgin if anyone since I get a special deal from Discovery. I will also tell them that I'm under strict instructions from my gynae not to exercise. Bastards. I want to strangle the colleague. I have a tough time saying no to people. The more you say no the more they push. I hate it.

I tag cheapthrills to do the meme and tag all her friends since nobody actually reads my blog.

Saturday, 16 August 2008

Not much to report

The exam I wrote yesterday didn't go too badly. I felt I found a lot of the answers. I don't usually stress about tests and exams after I've written them since I can't change the outcome. I've generally been really good about that.

The baby is putting me through my paces again. I stopped taking the tablets that help for the nausea since I was feeling better. It's only once you stop taking them that you realize how much they actually help. I'm feeling like crap again this morning, but hoping they'll kick in and do what they're meant to soon.

We're going to visit Nina with Boogaloo this afternoon. Nina had a baby boy about a month ago. I'm looking forward to meeting him and spending time with a little baby. Get some practice in!

Tomorrow we're having a picnic for (Uncle) Steve since he's going back to Pretoria and he asked that we all get together one last time.

My grandfather is doing really well. I'm actually blogging from his place. Rudi and Crack Head wanted to come and fish in the dam here so I decided to come and spend some time with him.

Other than that not much to report. Hoping to have a nice relaxing weekend.

Wednesday, 13 August 2008

1st Appointment

Rudi and I went for the first gynae appointment yesterday. He seems like a really nice doctor and he practices in Panorama which is a nice hospital. We had a scan and saw the baby for the first time. It looks like a little jelly bean right now. The doctor said the heartbeat is nice and strong and the baby is moving around so everything looks good.

He says that I'm about 9 weeks along and predicted the due date on Rudi's birthday (18 March 2009).

He prescribed some vitamins for me to take and something to help with the nausea. I have an appointment with another doctor on 15 September, but I think I want to stick to this doctor. He is sweet and friendly and nice. I'll phone his office to see when I can get my next appointment.

I'll see if I can somehow upload the scan pictures, but I'm scared to try and scan it because I'm not sure if the scanner will heat up the paper and turn it black. Anyone know if you can scan a scan? LOL

****UPDATE****

Apparently you can! Click on the picture to enlarge. The head is on the right hand side. In the third picture the cloudy part going up is the umbilical chord.

Monday, 11 August 2008

Updates

I've worked the whole weekend and I'm really tired. I was going to take time of in lieu of overtime worked this week, but Saturday was a public holiday and the money should be super. Besides that I realized I'm on study leave on Wednesday and Thursday. We're writing an exam on Friday for the course I've been doing since last year. This will be the final step and if I pass the exam I should have some formal qualification. It would really be nice to have something like that under my belt. We'll see how it goes.

I was really ill on Saturday. After leaving work I didn't feel like doing anything. I didn't even go and visit my grandfather in hospital. He was very understanding since he was feeling down in the dumps himself when I saw him on Friday, so he could relate. I did, however, go and see him yesterday and I must say he is doing really well. He isn't using the morphine anymore and the doctor has him eating normal food again. Considering the fact that they removed a part of his digestive system, this bodes will for him.

My jeans are all too tight for me, save one pair. I'm going to have to buy one or two more pants if I want to make it through a week without repeating the same bottoms.

Leeza bought a present for the baba. I wanted to post a picture of it, but blogger is throwing me 'error on page' messages the whole time. Balls. I'll post a picture later if possible.



Damn - problem at work. Gotta fly.

Saturday, 09 August 2008

Mosaic Meme



cheapthrills gave me some tag-love. For a meme with a difference. Answer questions and create a picture mosaic. Thereby giving your readers something to look at (we all know who prefers pictures to words) while learning random shit about you.

The questions:

1. What is your name?
2. What is your favourite food?
3. Which school did you attend?
4. What is your favourite colour?
5. Which celebrity do you consider to be your favourite?
6. Your favourite drink?
7. Your dream holiday?
8. What do you want to be when you grow up?
9. What’s your favourite dessert?
10. What do you value most in life?
11. One word to describe you?
12. Your blog’s name?

Note: The photos correspond with the questions in the sequence:

1…2…3
4…5…6
7…8…9
10…11…12

Answers:

1. Heather
2. Alfredo
3. Stellenberg High School (that's the girl's choir)
4. Purple
5. Angelina Jolie
6. Amarula
7. Tropical Island
8. Thin
9. Chocolate Mousse
10. Family
11. Bored
12. acidicice

It is really easy to do. You first need to open Mosaic Maker. There you choose 3 columns and 4 rows. Go to the Flickr search page and search your answers to the questions below. Choose a photo on the first page only, open it and copy the URL into the appropriate line of the Mosaic page. When done with all 12 lines, SAVE to your chosen directory (probably My Pictures) and upload it to your posting.

I copied her entry and just added my own stuff. I'm sure she won't mind since she knows I feel like crap and I'm particularly demotivated and not in the mood to do anything.

I tag anyone who feels like doing this.

Thursday, 07 August 2008

Good News

My grandfather’s operation went well. He doesn’t have a bag which is a huge bonus. The bad news is that the spots on his liver were caused by the cancer and he will need to have chemotherapy for 6 months. The doctor said that should clear everything up though. I don’t wish chemotherapy on my worst enemy. The way I understand it they literally pump poison into your body to kill the cancer and it makes you very sick. He is strong though. He will get through this. I’m just really happy that the operation went well. I was very nervous about him being under anaesthetic as he’s not young anymore and there can be complications.

I was feeling really rough last night. I was sore all over. My uterus feels like it’s blowing up. Apparently it’s the size of a grapefruit now and I can really say that I can feel there is something swollen beneath my skin. There’s no more denying it. Over and above the nausea I now FEEL pregnant. I really feel sorry for Rudi at times. I’m sure I bite his head off over trivial things and moan about him moving in bed next to me because I’m afraid I’ll throw up or my breasts are really sensitive. Good times.

I’m so tired of working it’s not funny. When I came in this morning I noticed I had 3 irate customers in my list. They can all really just kiss my ass. I’m not in the mood for know-it-all customers shouting and swearing at me and not taking “no” for an answer. The customer is not always right. Sometimes they are just downright unreasonable and full of crap. One of said customers is complaining about a product he doesn’t use and is singing the praises of our competitor. He’s not even really asking a question. So I should phone him and explain the business rules, etc. to him? Why? He doesn’t seem interested. On the other hand, this is my job and I get paid to do it. I think I get paid well to do it too. So I guess I should just be grateful I have a job which grants me opportunities that others cannot dream of.*

*This little bit of perspective came after me getting breakfast and mulling it over. I really should watch my mouth. I run it off in the heat of the moment.

Wednesday, 06 August 2008

Operation

So today is the day my grandfather goes in for his operation. We went to see him last night in the hospital. They were making him drink 2 litres of stuff called 'Clean Prep'. It flushes out your system, cleaning out your bowels. Apparently it tastes really salty. My grandfather says it's like drinking sea water. *shudder* He threw up while we were there. I felt so bad for him. He's really suffering and he hasn't even been cut open yet.

He'll be in ICU for a minimum of 24 hours after the operation which may take place as late as 16:00 today (maybe even later). He's the 5th patient on the doctor's list for today, so we probably won't be able to see him tonight. It's a rather common surgery, but it is still major surgery. They have also measured him for a bag in case they need to put one in for him.

He has a lot of prayers being said for him and we are hoping for the best.

Tuesday, 05 August 2008

Birthday and more

My birthday was boring. I didn’t do anything the whole day, but that was the plan. I was on leave and wanted to sleep late and do nothing. Rudi called in sick – but he spent half the day at the doctor. He is such a hypochondriac. Every time he goes to the doctor they send him to a specialist and they can’t find anything wrong with him. He’s starting to dislike doctors because he says there is definitely something wrong with him, even if they can’t find it.

We had two fights yesterday. I was angry at him for depleting the medical aid (which in all fairness, he does pay for too), but I’m going to need it a lot more than him with the baby on the way. Gynae appointments and scans and tests are all going to cost a lot of money.

The second fight was about him not buying me a gift for my birthday. Every year when I leave him to his own devices and I don’t make him go and buy me something, he doesn’t. He leaves it until it is my birthday and then he asks ‘So what do you want?’ It annoys me to no end because I feel like he doesn’t put any thought into it until the last minute. I’ve learnt my lesson about letting him pick gifts himself. He is not too bad at picking jewellery, but that is about it. Last year he wanted to buy me a single ticket to go and see a Pink concert. I like Pink, but definitely not enough to go on my own and not enough to want it as a birthday gift. I got him to buy me an expensive media player instead. Boogaloo contributed to that one a bit too. Eventually he stormed out and went to buy me a bottle of my favourite perfume (which I had run out of and told him to go and buy me).

Sarah and Brad came around last night. Sarah bought a cute set of baby clothes, but wrote me an I.O.U for my birthday gift. It was nice having them over, we hardly see them anymore.

My grandparents bought me a new pyjamas – it’s really pretty. My aunt bought me a set of plastic containers (don’t ask me why – because I haven’t figured it out yet, I have enough Tupperware for the whole family). Leeza stuck to our Harry Potter deal and bought me “Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets” and a ton of lollipops. Two other colleagues clubbed together and bought me a pretty silver chain with a butterfly pendant. I received more gifts than I expected which was great!

I feel horrible since this morning. I threw up bile this morning and I’m not sure if that taste just made me feel like crap, but I still feel yucky right now. I haven’t eaten anything, but my appetite is not all that. I’ve eaten lollipops this morning, but it hasn’t helped.

My grandfather is going into hospital today. His operation is tomorrow. They are taking him in today to prepare him for the op and to flush out his system. They located two dark spots on his liver which they will test for cancer after the operation – they are going to remove samples while he is under. There are also more areas of concern close to where they will be operating which they will also sample for testing. If any of the tests for the spots come back malignant he will go on chemotherapy for 6 months. I am very worried about him, but I try my best not to think about it. He simply has to make it. There’s no other way.

On a happy note Rudi and I have found a new place to stay. It’s a really nice place in Durbanville. It is also a flat, but it is 88 square metres which is bigger than our place now. It has a built in braai (BBQ) on the balcony, two bedrooms, a separate shower and bath and lots of cupboard space. We will be renting directly from the owner who is a really nice lady. We’ll be moving 31 August and I’ll post pictures once we’ve moved!

Friday, 01 August 2008

Business as usual

Finally it's Friday. The weirdest thing happened this morning. I woke up, attempted to brush my teeth without vomiting without success, but instead of getting upset I just...well...accepted it. It was 'business as usual'. I cannot be getting used to this can I? Who wants to get used to feeling ill and vomiting all the time? Crazy people! Oh...and people with bulimia*

I only felt a little sorry for myself and carried on as if nothing happened *sigh*. I didn't even cry or stamp my feet. I think these lollipops help because they push up my blood sugar levels. I don't care how it works, as long as it works!

I didn't go to choir practice last night. I feel so bad, but I have no choice. I feel so crappy.

My grandfather called me last night. He received back more test results. It seems like there is a problem with his liver. The doctor didn't tell him specifically if the cancer had spread there or if there is another problem - he'll tell him that on Monday (on my birthday). I just really hope he's going to be OK. My grandfather has been waiting for me to have a baby for the longest time and now that it is finally happening there are other factors that we never dreamed would be a problem. He said to me last night 'You better hurry up with this baby, I might not be around to see it', a tasteless joke I know. He has a weird sense of humour. Maybe he's trying to make it 'lighter'. He said if the cancer has spread to his liver it's a death sentence. You never know. He could get a transplant or they could cut some of his liver away. The chemo might get it, but there's no point in speculating.

Speaking of my birthday, I'm not sure if I'm going to do anything this year. Usually my birthday is a big deal for me...but I feel so horrid I'm not sure I'm up to anything. I can't drink, I can't eat, I don't feel like dancing. What is left to do except wallow? Last year my party was a real blow out. I remember a copious amount of red wine flowing and sleeping over where I was because neither Rudi or I were in any kind of condition to drive. This year...I'm in a different condition. HA HA.

*I distinguished that there is a different between bulimia and crazy people so don't take offense!

P.S. I'm sitting at work with my jeans untied. Luckily I'm wearing a long jacket so nobody can see. They're too tight and making me feel sick because they're pushing against my stomach. I just hope they don't fall down while I'm walking.