Thursday, 31 July 2008

Rocking The Daisies Competition

Cheap thrills tagged me for this competition thing. So I'm doing it. I don't feel like doing much of anything except crawling under a rock and dying. Still feeling sorry for myself. You could win an iPod or something if you do this. I would like an iPod, but I never win anything. Hell, it's worth a shot. Here's what you've got to do:

1. Write a blog post about RTD and tell us what the five things are that you definitely can’t leave home without if you are on your way to spend a weekend at the coolest eco-friendly music festival in SA.
2. Link to both Rocking the Daisies and Digicape (the sponsors of the kick-ass prizes) in your post.
3.Tag as many friends in your post as you like. (The more you tag the better your chances of winning.)
4.Lastly register on RTD and tag your name, your post and the person that originally tagged you in their post on the competition blog. (If I tagged you, acidicice)

If I were going to RTD I would want the following 5 things:

1. A bucket. To be vomiting in. Alas, not because I'm drunk.
2. Tablets to help me not vomit, because I really don't want to.
3. Fruit - to eat and then vomit out.
4. Hair elastics - so that I don't vomit on my hair.
5. Toilet paper, because there never seems to be enough of the stuff at this kind of thing.

There. I did it. Man I can be a party pooper.

I tag: Peast on Toast; Kuier; d2; Die Emmers; Eppy; Fox In the Snow; Lee Wonders; Rox; The Real Marbro; Some No One

K. I'm done. By no means do I think I've got the highest amount of tags - so I probably won't win. Surprise. Not.

Not a cure

I am so freaking sick and tired of being sick. The lollipops either only work in the morning or it was a fluke. I was so ill last night that I didn't go to church. I feel so guilty about not going, but I really am sick.

It's important that I go to church now. Especially with my grandfather being sick and me wanting God's blessing with the baby.

I feel so helpless. I was crying last night. Poor Rudi also doesn't know what to do with me. He's just as helpless as I am. Strangely enough I seem to feel most ill at night.

I've started taking the the morning sickness tablets again. I really can't feel this way all the time. I'm a wuss. I know it. I don't care what anyone says or thinks.

Rudi says I should go to the doctor, but I don't think that there's anything the doctor can do for me either. I'm not supposed to be taking any medicine or anything. Baby Centre says I should try exercising. Apparently it helps. It's winter now and it's cold and raining. I don't have any exercise equipment and I don't have a gym subscription. How am I supposed to exercise? Walk up and down the stairs? Bleugh.

We went to look at another apartment yesterday. It's smaller than what we have now and costs more. Pfft. I'm starting to feel like we're not going to find anything. The agent said that if we don't find something in the first two weeks we might be screwed because most of the properties are gone by then.

Can't I just sleep through the next month and wake up feeling normal in a great new place - already moved?

FFS. I'm not asking much here.

P.S. The lollipops still seem to work in the mornings. I forgot to mention that I'm getting dark circles under my eyes. Now I don't only feel like shit, I look like shit too. Great.

Wednesday, 30 July 2008

A cure?

My grandfather seems to be taking his illness rather lightly. The doctor has assured him that the success rate for the operation is really high and that he shouldn't worry. They are not yet sure whether he’ll need a bag or whether he’ll need to go for chemo. The doctors can only determine this once they’ve opened him up. I love my grandfather dearly and hope and pray that he will be OK.

I was feeling very ill yesterday. I got sick last night and again this morning. When I was getting sick this morning (of course with nothing in my stomach) Rudi commented from the room ‘Don’t force it, baby. If there’s nothing there, there’s nothing there!’ He doesn’t seem to realize that the dry heaving and gagging isn’t voluntary! If I had a choice I would much rather NOT be sick!

Due to the horrible nausea I haven’t been eating very well. I try to make healthy food choices. Yesterday I ate…an apple, banana, naartjie, and 3 rice cakes with Melrose and some salticrax with marmite. I couldn’t bear the sight or smell of food.

This morning I braved a bowl of cornflakes and bought a sour lollipop. The cornflakes were a bit hard to swallow, but I managed it. I then ate the sour lollipop and VOILA! I feel a ton better. I bought all the sour lollipops in the canteen. If this is my cure for morning sickness – bring it on!

Tuesday, 29 July 2008

Bad News

My grandmother called me at work today to tell me my grandfather has been diagnosed with colon cancer. He will be going in for an operation next Wednesday to remove about 10 cm of his colon.

They say they've caught it in the early stages. We'll have to hope for the best. He just finished his ordeal with the skin cancer and now this.

My colleagues had me sent home from work. I came to my grandmother to come and be with her. My grandfather is out working.

My grandfather might as well be my father. I've always looked up to him and he's been the constant male role model in my life.

Please spare a thought or a prayer for him and for us.

Ready or Not

It looks like those tablets for the morning sickness were working a little after all. From the moment I opened my eyes this morning I knew it was futile. I knew while I was putting the toothpaste on my toothbrush that I wouldn't be able to finish the job without going into the next room to kneel down and be humbled by something the size of a pea.

Ultimately I feel better after the ritual, but I loathe going through it. Especially in the morning when there is nothing in my stomach but air and acid. I try to be as loud as possible, perhaps I could evoke some sympathy from the inflicter of all of this, alas...not a word of sympathy spoken.

How am I supposed to milk this if he's not paying attention?!

Shame, he does get up to make things for me and goes to the shop when I feel like something specific. I think I might get over it if he didn't though. I would prefer if he held my hair out of the toilet and rubbed my back while I'm throwing up. As far as I know he's not one of those squeamish types that throws up when other people do...so why not?

EMACT is sending me the free nappies she promised :) She's also giving me lots of advice. I kind of relate to her situation a lot, even though I'm married. For me, getting pregnant was a big surprise. Somehow I thought I was immune, or that I had more time to be stupid and do irresponsible things. I was even avoiding the 'fertile' days on the ovulation calculator! Girls - don't ever say it won't happen to you! Expensive Mistakes was busy studying and focusing on her future. I was working on my career (slowly OK) and being frivolous. I thought children were many years into my future.

Here I am pregnant though. Ready or not. My life is about to change big time. I'm scared.

Monday, 28 July 2008

UGH!

Ugh. I feel like crap again. I am so sick of this! I sincerely hope that it will end soon. I’m sure the people around me are sick of hearing about it too. I can’t help it. I don’t feel like engaging with people or doing anything. I don’t feel like eating anything. I just feel horrid. I threw up IN FRONT of Sarah yesterday. I was so embarrassed.

We went to the Baba Indaba this weekend. We didn’t buy anything as we decided we’re only going to start buying things once I’m further than three months, but my grandmother wasted no time in knitting up a storm! Her neighbour also saw the cutest pair of white socks and bought them for me. People just love buying stuff for babies.



I will be SO happy when I'm not sick anymore. I'm taking tablets for women with morning all day sickness and it helps a little. I just want to feel normal again. I'm supposedly over 2 months...so another month? *sigh* What choice do I have? It's not like I can 'backspace' or 'delete' this. Stuck with this now. Also stuck with having to figure out how they are going to get this baby out of me. Can you say 'Give me the drugs?!'.

Friday, 25 July 2008

Free Nappies

EMACT said whoever completed this meme will get free nappies. I might need some free nappies. :)

1. WERE YOU NAMED AFTER ANYONE? According to My Evil Mother I was named after my father's ex girlfriend.
2. WHEN WAS THE LAST TIME YOU CRIED? Yesterday.
3. DO YOU LIKE YOUR HANDWRITING? Yes, it's neat.
4. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE LUNCH MEAT? I'm not into cold meats, but I'll eat a good steak any day *drool*
5. DO YOU HAVE KIDS? Almost, I'm pregnant
6. IF YOU WERE ANOTHER PERSON who WOULD YOU BE? Someone filthy rich and outside the public eye.
7. DO YOU USE SARCASM A LOT? No, because it's the lowest form of wit. Of course I do!
8. DO YOU STILL HAVE YOUR TONSILS? No. I had them removed. Twice.
9. WOULD YOU BUNGEE JUMP? MAYBE10. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE CEREAL? Special K, man, with Red Berries.
11. DO YOU UNTIE YOUR SHOES WHEN YOU TAKE THEM OFF? Nope.
12. DO YOU THINK YOU’RE STRONG? No. I struggle to open jars and Coke bottles sometimes.
13. WHAT IS YOUR FAVORITE ICE CREAM? Tin Roof
14. WHAT IS THE FIRST THING YOU NOTICE ABOUT PEOPLE? Their demeanour.
15. RED OR PINK? Red or pink what? Why not red AND pink? PINK!
16. WHAT IS YOUR LEAST FAVORITE THING ABOUT YOURSELF? I'm fat.
17. WHO DO YOU MISS THE MOST? Nobody. I contact people I miss.
18. DO YOU WANT EVERYONE TO SEND THIS BACK TO YOU? Why not?
19. WHAT COLOR PANTS AND SHOES ARE YOU WEARING? Jeans and light blue slip on takkies20. WHAT WAS THE LAST THING YOU ATE? Nando's spicy rice
21. WHAT ARE YOU LISTENING TO RIGHT NOW? The person next to me typing
22. IF YOU WERE A CRAYON, WHAT COLOR WOULD YOU BE? Purple
23. FAVORITE SMELL? Hypnotic Poison - Christian Dior
24. WHO WAS THE LAST PERSON YOU TALKED TO ON THE PHONE? A Customer
25. DO YOU LIKE THE PERSON WHO SENT THIS TO YOU? I don't know her personally, but I like the person she is on her blog :)
26. FAVORITE SPORTS TO WATCH? Gymnastics
27. HAIR COLOR? Blonde with roots at the moment :(
28. EYE COLOR? Green
29. DO YOU WEAR CONTACTS? Yes
30. FAVORITE FOOD? Alfredo Pasta, Panzerotti gorgonzola
31. SCARY MOVIES OR HAPPY ENDINGS? Both!
32. LAST MOVIE YOU WATCHED? Jack and Jill vs. the World
33. WHAT COLOUR SHIRT ARE YOU WEARING? Blue
34. SUMMER OR WINTER? Summer - I'm SO over winter
35. HUGS OR KISSES? From who?
36. FAVORITE DESSERT? Creme Caramel
Questions 37 & 38 have been deleted because they were more boring than that time you tried to read - according to the person who is giving me free nappies.
39. WHAT BOOK ARE YOU READING NOW? Stephen King - The Dark Tower VII
Ditto for question 40. - SHE DELETED IT AGAIN!
41. WHAT DID YOU WATCH ON TV LATE LAST NIGHT? I sleep early.
42. FAVORITE SOUND? Music that cheers me up
43. ROLLING STONES OR BEATLES? Before my time too
44. WHAT IS THE FARTHEST YOU HAVE BEEN FROM HOME? London
45. DO YOU HAVE A SPECIAL TALENT? I like to think so.
46. WHERE WERE YOU BORN? Cape Town
47. WHOSE ANSWERS ARE YOU LOOKING FORWARD TO GETTING BACK? I have like 6 readers on my blog. Nobody is going to do this.

It's weekend...and I want to sleep

I’m so looking forward to sleeping late tomorrow. I would stay in bed the whole day if my schedule allowed. Rudi organized a braai or something with the people that my grandparents stay with. Willie grows his own chillies and reckons he can eat the hottest food that he can make. Rudi, being from Durban (famous for it’s large Indian population and the curries they make) told him he could eat whatever he could dish. Willie just loves a challenge so he’s cooking up something extra hot for the men and his wife is making hamburgers or something for us. It sounds nice…I just hope I have an appetite and that I can eat.

The Baba Indaba is also happening this weekend. Rudi and I would like to check it out and look at all the nifty baby products so that we can have an idea of what’s available and how much these things cost. We are by no means under any kind of illusion that we’re going to get away cheaply. Babies cost mountains of money. Perhaps we’ll get lucky and they’ll hand out samples. I love free stuff!

A whole lot of people from work are going to Moyo this evening. Moyo is LOVELY and they have GREAT cocktails. One of my first entries on this blog had pictures of a trip to Moyo with Sarah and Brad. I don’t know if it would be a good idea to go. I could always drink virgin cocktails, but I seem to be coming down with a cold and the winter nip is still in the air.

I just want to snuggle up with my Stephen King book and read. I’m on the last book of the Dark Tower series. It’s been a long journey with the characters of this book and I’m kind of sad that it’s coming to an end. I am dying to know what happens though so I’m not going to stop reading for the sake of prolonging the inevitable.

I’m super tired today. I am longing for my bed and a nap. Some hot chocolate with marshmallows wouldn’t be turned down. What? A girl can dream!

Thursday, 24 July 2008

Getting worse

Ugh. The morning sickness seems to be getting worse. I've gotten some medication for it, but the relief is minimal. I'm struggling to eat and have no appetite. I'm probably eating about 1/4 of what I was eating before I was pregnant. That said, I was probably eating too much to begin with.

Sarah sent me this today:

Duration of condition
Morning sickness can occur at any time of the day, though it occurs most often upon waking, because blood sugar levels are typically the lowest after a night without food.

Morning sickness usually starts in the first month of the pregnancy, peaking in the fifth to seventh weeks, and continuing until the 14th to 16th week. For half of the sufferers, it ends by the 16th week of pregnancy. It may take the others up to another month to get relief, and some women suffer intermittent episodes throughout their pregnancy

I'm between 7 and 9 weeks now so it could be that it's 'peaking in the fifth to seventh weeks'. I just hope to God that it goes away soon and that I don't have it throughout.

My Evil Mother was crying on the phone yesterday. I told her that I don't want any gifts from her while she's still leeching staying with my aunt and uncle. I told her that I wanted her to stand on her own two feet and I didn't want to contribute towards her spending money irresponsibly. She then started crying and saying in disbelief 'Buying things for my grandchild, irresponsible?'. Why, if you can't afford it, YES!

It's a concept she doesn't seem to understand. She'll need to pull up her socks big time if she wants to be a part of the baby's life. She has told me for years that I was the cause of her starting her bad spending habits. She said she made debt to make sure I was always outfitted in the best clothes and shoes when I was a baby/little girl. I don't see how she can necessarily blame me. Since she had me about a month after she turned 18 - she had access to credit for the very first time and then went completely ballistic. I was just a convenient excuse. I'm not saying that I didn't have nice things when I was a child, but I definitely didn't expect them and started working and earning my keep when I turned 16.

I really hope that I will be able to instill good moral values and ethics in my child. I'm confused about the whole nature vs. nurture thing. I know my grandparents didn't raise My Evil Mother the way she turned out. It's like she was just rotten from the beginning. My aunt turned out the exact opposite. My Evil Mother raised me and I'm the opposite of her. So how do you control how your children turn out? I suppose you can only do the best you can.

Monday, 21 July 2008

It's 16:04

...and I hope that Concussed One and Tweedledoos know that I'm officially done working.

No big news at the moment. I miss my MSN friends. Our specialist (whom I get along well with) says that I was brought up in a meeting. This whole internet thing. I was apparently used as an example. I feel like laying a grievance. I just don't know who to lay it against. Victimization I say! I'm not the only one that accesses the internet and everyone is satisfied with my work.

Our specialist also bought me a chocolate. Bless.

My throat is feeling niggly. Like it's going to be really sore sometime soon. That would suck. Especially since I can't take any medicine.

One of my colleagues said I should announce the pregnancy on facebook. She said I might as well since everyone at work already knows. It's true enough. A lot of people do know...but you're really not supposed to say anything within the first three months. I know it's just a formality, but maybe it is better that way.

I think I'll keep it on the down low for now. Anyway...Rudi is probably almost here.




You Are a Colon



You are very orderly and fact driven.

You aren't concerned much with theories or dreams... only what's true or untrue.



You are brilliant and incredibly learned. Anything you know is well researched.

You like to make lists and sort through things step by step. You aren't subject to whim or emotions.



Your friends see you as a constant source of knowledge and advice.

(But they are a little sick of you being right all of the time!)



You excel in: Leadership positions



You get along best with: The Semi-Colon

Saturday, 19 July 2008

Internetlessness

I was called in by Jubba again this week (around Tuesday). His line manager (Concussed One) as once AGAIN complained to him about me being on the Internet. Apprently my previous boss (Tweedledoos) was involved in the conversation and he said he had the same problem with me when I was working in his department. They also mentioned my use of MSN. Concussed One requested that Jubba performance manage me. In other words he wants a formal discussion recorded on paper for future reference.

Jubba likes me...if only because I do a lot of extra work for him. He stuck up for me and told Concussed One that he doesn't have a problem with my work and does not feel comfortable performance managing a top performer. Bless.

So what I have done is disconnected myself from the outside world completely. I now suffer from a condition commonly known in South Africa as internetlessness. I didn't log into MSN or any external websites from Tuesday afternoon until Friday. I've been itching to blog, to research information on pregnancy and to look for a new place to live...but I've been too scared to open up anything on my PC. I don't want something retarded like surfing the Internet to cost me my job. Especially not with a baba on the way.

I heard a rumour later on that it was Tweedledoos that reported me in the first place. I would honestly not be surprised. It's quite typical of him. He probably feels that if he brings such things to the attention of Concussed One (who is also his line manager) that he might create the illusion of 'adding value'.

I DO have Internet at home, but I use my phone as a modem and mostly only get GPRS coverage which is so slow that I want to stab my eye out with a pencil.

You wouldn't believe how hard it is to cut yourself off from the Internet 24/7. Especially when it is fast, free and at your fingertips all day. The temptation looming right behind everything you're looking at.

So here's a challenge. Try it. For 48 hours. No non-work related Internet. I dare you.

Tuesday, 15 July 2008

Gynaecologist

I managed to make an appointment with a gynaecologist. I initially secured an appointment for 15 August, but I'm writing exams that day so I'll have to wait till 26 August. That means I'll be 3 months pregnant by the time I get to see him.

It's really tough trying to get an appointment. The one doctor I phoned said they are fully booked for new patients until the end of the year. Seriously?

Is there some shortage of gynaecologists? Surely that wouldn't be the case? (this considering the amount of men who express the desire to be one). The first gynaecologist was a women and apparently women are booked far in advance because they are compassionate and warm. I have absolutely no experience with gynaecologists of either sex so I cannot judge.

A rather reliable source just told me the doctor I have an appointment with is a bit dodgy. Hmph. She did recommend someone else though. I'll check to see who has the earliest appointment available.

I recommend finding one before you get pregnant. This unnecessary stress can't be good.

I'm so tired I could fall asleep at my desk. I'm not going to bed late. I've been warned that I might get tired, but this is ridiculous!

Monday, 14 July 2008

Baby!

I see the announcement has at least generated one comment. Sheesh. Who does a girl have to sleep with around here to get someone to comment?

I honestly did not think that I would fall pregnant so quickly after going off my birth control. I'd been on the pill for over 10 years, so I assumed that it would take a year or so to work out of my system. Apparently I was wrong!

I took another urine test this morning...out of curiosity (since the six prior were negative). This time it was clear as day. Pregnant.

I still have to find a gynaecologist. I'm not particularly looking forward to that. Who would look forward to a stranger scratching around in the place you're supposed to keep secret?

Needless to say the family is ecstatic. My Evil Mother has said that her and Coke Head will furnish the baby's room. On the one hand I don't want to take anything from her. Especially since she's still leeching off my aunt and uncle. I told her to sort her life out as there are plenty of people that will buy things for the baby. On the other hand I think I should take what I can get since I don't think that I will recoup the money she owes me.

I've kept the news between close friends and family. My colleagues couldn't help but notice. I won't put it on facebook until I'm 3 months though. Announcing is on my blog doesn't seem to have such a big impact since I have...oh...6 readers.

This is going to be one hell of a ride!

P.S. I received two communion wafers in church yesterday. This is almost always considered as special, because the priests attempt to dislodge wafers that are stuck together before serving communion. God is saying "Congratulations!"

Friday, 11 July 2008

Announcement

I've been trying to formulate a way to say this. How do I announce it?

I can't think of any other way to say it...

I'm 4 weeks pregnant!

The blood tests have confirmed it after 6 urine tests came up negative. I'm excited, scared, happy and relieved to finally know what is "wrong" with me.

I know it's a really delicate time and I should be extra careful for the next 2 months or so.

I'll be taking it easy :o)

Maybe in 9 months I could make it on to the Bad Mommy Blog!

Wednesday, 09 July 2008

$$$$

I went to another doctor yesterday afternoon after work. He has referred me to another doctor to have bloodwork and some other stuff done. I'll be leaving work at 12:30 today to go and depending on how long it takes I might not return.

I'm a bit nervous...It's not a comfortable kind of appointment, with needles being stuck in me and stuff. I hope to get it over with quickly, but this should provide some solid answers to my questions.

I usually only have to go to the doctor once a year to deplete my medical savings, because it usually results in having to see specialists, etc.

I can see the medical bills racking up and medical facilities with $ signs in their eyes.

Monday, 07 July 2008

Add nausea

I feel horrible today. I was fine the whole weekend, until this morning. I feel like throwing up. I haven't actually thrown up, but I sure as hell came close just now.

The ladies facilities at work have this distinct strong smell that hits you every time you walk in. It's rather unpleasant, but I suppose it's mainly bearable. Nobody seems to have complained enough for them to do anything about it. I went to the loo just now and seriously nearly threw up in there. Ugh.

I was feeling ill last week as well, but I let a quack doctor convince me that it was all in my head. The quack doctor is supposed to be taking the place of my doctor while he is overseas (just when I need him). He told me to go home, forget about it and see how I feel in a week. *sigh*

Leeza has referred me to her doctor in the interim. I have an appointment tomorrow at 16:30. We'll see if we can get to the bottom of this.

Friday, 04 July 2008

Crazy

Well...it has been 'proven' that my suspicions were incorrect. Apparently I'm crazy and probably imagining everything. I don't think I'm crazy...and somehow hate for people to think that I am psychotic. I should learn to not care what people think. I really should.

The only reason I'm looking forward to the weekend is because I won't have to come to work. We don't have any plans for the weekend (other than Service for the Departed on Sunday) and I hope I'll actually be able to sleep late, rest and relax.

I'm dead tired and not in the mood for anything. I was crapped out again at work for 'being on the Internet too much'. Bastards. I wonder sometimes if my manager knows what my work applications look like. I wonder if he knows that some of them work within Internet explorer. Maybe he doesn't.

Let me log off before I get fired for crap.

P.S. I'm not comfortable talking about what my suspicion was at the moment, but I might feel better about talking about it at a later stage.

Wednesday, 02 July 2008

Counting down the hours

I am dying for home time today. I feel so drained and tired at the moment. I went to bed really early last night, but woke up in the middle of the night feeling queasy - tossing and turning.

The clothes I'm wearing are uncomfortable and I want to take them off. I still have to go to church tonight though...maybe I'll catch a nap when I get home. The problem with naps is that I'm really grumpy when I wake up and less in the mood to do anything than I was when I went to sleep.

I've been trying my best to keep myself busy with work activities today as I've been crapped on twice since moving to the new building. My manager thinks that I am on the internet too much and am therefore being unproductive. I feel a little victimized since I'm definitely not the only one who goes on to the internet, but as Jubba says - he has this perception now. He may not notice when I'm working, but as soon as he sees me on the internet (even once) he thinks 'She's on the internet again'. Bastards.

The work I've been doing is tedious and mind numbing. I've been drawing statistics and staring at excel for most of the day. *YAWN*. No wonder I'm dying to go home.

2h23 minutes to home time and counting...

Tuesday, 01 July 2008

Ambiguity

I'm slightly annoyed with what I do and what I do not know at the moment. I hate feeling so ambiguous. One moment I am excited and positive...then next I feel despondent and negative.

I want to know things for sure. I don't like being unsure of things and feeling like I'm in the dark, especially with something like this. I want to be in full control and I want to be able to make decisions regarding this...this...situation.

I wish I could just talk about it...and I guess this should be the one place where I CAN talk about it, but if I'm wrong it is potentially embarassing.

I'm sick of it. The suspense is killing me. I hate this.