Monday, 30 June 2008

Dance Like Nobody Is Watching!

No news on the suspicion yet...it might be up to a week before I'll know for sure. Don't worry, I'll splurge the news on my blog as soon as I know!

I had a chance encounter with an estate agent over the weekend. I e-mailed her our requirements this morning. I haven't heard back from her. I hope she doesn't ignore me because she sees me as 'that drunk chick at the bbq'. Hey! I didn't lug out the tequila. Ok, nobody poured it down my throat...but I haven't had as much fun in a long time. I danced like nobody was watching!

The occasion was the housewarming of my neighbour that hasn't actually moved yet. Weird, I know. I left a little earlier than Rudi did as I had to go to church on Sunday morning and Rudi was on one of his binges again. I was not impressed with Rudi at all as his drunk ass forgot some of our stuff there (camping chairs, etc.)

We went shopping for groceries on Saturday. We bought 1 trolley full of goods. Not luxuries like chips, sweets, chocolate and ice cream. Food and a few toiletries. We didn't even buy many cleaning products...the bill came to two and a half THOUSAND RAND! OH.MY.FURRY.HAT. I nearly fainted! We did manage to buy a lot of meat, but for pete's sake. Seriously? My budget is completely in it's glory thanks to that little shopping trip.

Friday, 27 June 2008

Suspicion

I am suspicious about something...I wonder. Will have to keep the blogging world in suspense until my suspicions have either been confirmed or proven wrong.

Have a lovely weekend!

Thursday, 26 June 2008

Jubba Strikes Again

Jubba thought it appropriate to shout at me this morning and to accuse me of palming things off on him, regardless of the fact that information was specifically requested from him. He then proceeded to take out his anger on quite a few other people including the kitchen staff who decided to report him. Apparently he got into trouble. He did come and apologize not long after he had me crying at my desk (I'm hormonal, OK?), but that didn't make me feel better. You cannot unsay things.

Since the incident I feel OK. I resolved my problem without his assistance and will endeavour to do so in future. Heaven forbid anyone should ask him to do something.

A contractor called me today to make and appointment to come and fix the lights in our unit. Now that I've cancelled they want to come and fix the lights. Typical. I don't mind that they come and fix it at all and I will accommodate them with pleasure. One less thing that is broken for them to blame on us in my opinion.

I'm starting to get excited about moving. Every night I take a shower and the floor is covered in water I look forward to not having to deal with that anymore. Every time I flip the bedroom light switch and the light doesn't go on, I smile at the thought of having working lights (Eskom willing). All the little things that bothered me that I will be rid of are making me excited. It will also be sad as Rudi and I have memories there. We got married while living there...we are so happy living away from My Evil Mother that almost all our memories there are good...but the pros will outweigh the cons.

Tuesday, 24 June 2008

Moving on...again

Rudi and I have made a decision to move...again. We have good solid reasons to do so...apart from the fact that all our neighbours (and friends) are moving within the year the owner of our unit is being an absolute bastard about maintenance and repairs in the unit. We have also heard about a few break-ins in the complex (probably due to the 'security' gates and electric fence never working). We officially gave notice of cancellation yesterday and officially have until 31 August to move.

Having said that we haven't found a new place to live yet, but 2 months should be sufficient to search. I'm excited and frightened all in one. They say that moving is the second most traumatic event in a person's life second only to death of a close friend or relative. To some degree I believe that...I remember how overwhelmed I felt when we moved last time. Not because we moved, but packing up your life into boxes and moving it all into another place and then trying to make sense of it all again - it's overwhelming. I'm lucky I have help. I remember when we moved into our current place of residence Rudi unpacked the kitchen all by himself. Bless.

The admin of moving is freaking insane. I was sent a two page letter (in small font) detailing what we are responsible for, the consequences of not adhering to said responsibilities, signed off with a nice "Fuck you very much" "Thank you for using us as your rental agent".

So the search begins. It still seems a bit early to look now as most of the places are 'Available Now!' or available 1 July and very few available 1 August. I'm nervous to leave it too late as we will have no place to go if we do not find something within the stipulated time. We have a few requirements, such as:

* A stand alone shower (not a shower over a bath)
* Space in the kitchen for my stove, dishwasher and washing machine
* No stairs inside the unit
* A garage would be really nice
* 2 bedrooms
* Burglar proofing

It doesn't sound like much, but trust me...it's a lot to ask!

Wish us luck!

Friday, 20 June 2008

Love <3



*image courtesy of Standford

I was discussing relationships and love with an online friend of mine from Belgium yesterday. It's so interesting and sometimes so hard to express in words.

We were talking about how one can never really be sure if the love that you give is reciprocated and the things we say in the heat of the moment during arguments. We spoke about how people say hurtful things when arguing and how these things are interpreted and sometimes even meant by the opposite sex.

Men and women are hardwired differently. We simply don't think the same way, so when we say things they are mostly interpreted incorrectly because the meaning is completely different when you are speaking to someone of the opposite sex. No wonder so many marriages end in ruins!

I suppose you will never really know how much someone else loves you, no matter how much they tell you or try to show you (of course I'm insecure! Who isn't?) or you will never know if their love is different from the love you feel for them. You will never know if you love them less or more than they love you.

It's all so damn complicated. All I know is that I love Rudi very much (even though I know I take him for granted most of the times) and that I am happy right now.

Will somebody please say something?

Thursday, 19 June 2008

Ambition

Wow! I am loving the new building! Yesterday felt like a mini reunion - I saw people that had moved on to different divisions (therefore different locations) that I haven't seen for years! The same thing happened this morning. I didn't even know these people still worked for The Company.

The way I was greeted made me feel very special. It made me feel like I had made an impact on the lives of these people that time could not diminish. I wouldn't say I changed their lives or anything, but they remember me fondly. That certainly is a great feeling.

The system at work was up and down constantly yesterday. It was frustrating to say the least, but it was fun just sitting around chatting with some of the people here.

I'm a bit annoyed with the team I am a part of at work. Since only half of us moved to the new building it was almost as if the team was divided. There was an 'us against them' kind of vibe which was just childish. I hope they are over it now. Everybody should be moved over to the new building by today or tomorrow and then they will need to talk crap about us to our faces.

I was telling a friend yesterday that I feel stuck in my body. I feel like I have such a long road to reaching any kind of goal weight, but they say that every journey begins with a single step. I am afraid to take the first step on a journey that I have started so many times and failed to complete. I don't know if I can fail again. I don't know if I can let myself down again - although I suppose I'm letting myself down by staying this way. I've been standing at this cross roads for a long time. I'm just waiting for myself to lurch forward, eyes closed - fearing the worst. This is one thing that is very difficult for me to be positive about.

*sigh*

Wednesday, 18 June 2008

The Move

I was contacted on Monday (the public holiday) and advised that I should go directly to the new building and start working there on Tuesday.

I was super excited. It was all a little surreal. Coming to work, having to cross the busy road to get into the building (in the dark!) and then trying to find my way in the new building. As you probably noticed from the pictures I posted, our part of the office is decorated with bright orange so it wasn't too difficult to spot where we sit.

I have a brand new PC with a 19 inch flat screen monitor. The box of my machine is mounted on the back of my monitor to optimize space. I'm sure I mentioned that our desks are smaller - this alleviates that a little bit.




Not all of our colleagues have moved over yet and we are excited to have the whole team here. There's a "Welcome to the New Building" party scheduled soon too. That should be fun! We also received little cakes in a decorative box on our desks for our arrival - the cake was delicious!

I'm pretty settled in and most of my teething problems are sorted out. I just need to sort out one or two more things and I will be golden. Problem is we are currently having some system issues across the board (those who have moved and those who haven't) which is causing some strain on our operational requirements. I hope they get it sorted out soon so that we can move everyone over and party!

Saturday, 14 June 2008

Project Blue

I've taken two more images for Project Blue that I really like and some macros of my jasmine bush that is blooming...well, sort of blooming. I think they flowers are struggling to open because there is so little sunlight now in winter. Perhaps it is the cold that has kept them closed, but they are beautiful none the less. I only wish I could smell them, but with my nose all blocked up - that is not going to happen.


This is a simple image of an ashtray...I like the angle at which it is captured



Again I like the angle at which this picture is taken, it makes it much more interesting


This one jasmine flower has made it through the opening process minus a petal, but it has done more than it's counterparts that are still hiding from the world


The Jasimine Bush


I love my off weekends, but this time I'm spending mine in bed. I do feel a little bit better today, bit I'm going to play it safe and stay in bed. I was supposed to go and visit a friend today, but he lives in town and I'm not sure I want to make that trek feeling the way I am.

The move to the new office is imminent. My colleagues and I have packed all our possessions into big plastic crates and secured them with cable ties. The crates have been labelled with our names and desk numbers and will apparently be moved this weekend. Monday is a public holiday (so I may have a little weekend after all) but by Tuesday everything should be going ahead full steam. I'm excited as we'll be working on new equipment (apparently these PCs are super fast!), using voice over IP technology and all sort of new and exciting things.

The images have taken forever to upload on blogger - I suppose the fact that my 3G coverage has suffered from some cell shrinkage issues would be the root cause of that (the price I pay for living close to a shopping centre) and this GPRS connection frustrating. Patience is a virtue though and I will wait. I will lose my mind if I get an 'error' or my connection drops...so help me. Fingers crossed.

All's well that ends well!

Thanks go to Anna Carson for her inspiring me to look at the world a little differently.

Friday, 13 June 2008

Sick

I'm feeling pretty sick today. I was sick yesterday as well, but I am at work. My throat hurts, so a colleague is helping me out with customers that have to be called.

I think I'll be spending the weekend in bed, recovering.

I have two more photos for project blue that I might upload over the weekend and some pictures of my jasmine bush (macros of the flowers of course). The bush is blooming for the second time since it was gifted to me in February for Valentine's Day.

I can hardly believe it's still alive.

Thursday, 12 June 2008

Photos from All Over


I love the colours in this photograph, this was also taken in Knysna around the garden of the house we stayed in.



This photo was taken in Sedgefield on our way home from Knysna. There is something about the colour of autumn leaves that make me want to snap shots of them



This photo was taken in Grabouw at the farmstall which almost everyone stops at (they have divine quiche). This flower is about the size of my pinky nail. Gorgeous.

Wednesday, 11 June 2008

Tons of Photos!

Click on images to enlarge.



This is my favourite photo that I have taken so far. I am very proud of it!




This is an awesome macro shot of a succulent. I thought the colours and patterns were odd and wanted to capture it.




This is my favourite photo of us in the Knysna Elephant Park




This is a picture of a rainbow I captured over the weekend. Five minutes after this picture was taken the skies were clear and the rainbow was gone.





These are pictures of our old office. You'll notice that there are no windows and it looks dull and cluttered.





These are pictures of the office we are moving to. The colours are bright, there are more windows and it's more spacious. Of course the PCs are not in yet - I'll have to post more photos once we've moved.




@ Zanzibar in Knysna




Rudi and I @ Zanzibar in Knysna




Finally - my take for Project Blue. I thought it would be nice to have a picture of my engagement/wedding ring because of the blue stones. Project Blue is an initiative of Anna Carson. Jenty is also participating in Project Blue - I read both of their blogs every day. They are both very good at photography.

I hope you've had your fill of photos!

Tuesday, 10 June 2008

Rant Over

OK. I've calmed down since yesterday. I decided to stop being such an idiot. How stupid would it be to jeopardize a good friendship over jealousy? I need to stop being irrational and take control of my emotions. Especially the green one. It's always causing trouble.

I've had a headache since yesterday morning. Someone seems to have decided that my head would ache incessantly and no amount of painkillers seems to be killing it (although I'm sure that it's killing my stomach lining at the very least).

We're moving offices next Tuesday/Wednesday and I'm quite looking forward to a change of scenery. I'll also not be sitting next to the same people. This should change my day at work quite significantly. I'm interested to see how things are going to be and how team dynamics will change once our environment does.

I've taken pictures of both offices for comparison. I'll post them soon. I also want to post some of the photos I've been taking with my new camera. One or two of my favourites. I am by no means a photographer, but I have a few shots that I am proud of.

I am really tired and this headache is not helping. I'm going to go take out my frustration on one or two customers. Kidding.

I'm seriously considering giving notice to move from where we live. Trying to find a new place that will hold all our stuff at a reasonable price is proving to be really difficult. We currently have a small enclosed yard and a garage - this is nearly impossible to find in our price range. I really like living in our complex. We get along well with everyone there, excluding Crack Head, of course. I never have to worry if I don't have milk and if I'm locked out of my house I don't feel like I am intruding. All good things come to an end though and I'm wondering if it's time to move on.

Monday, 09 June 2008

Friends

I am a rather possessive and jealous person. I know this isn't nice. I know it's not socially acceptable. I just can't help myself. This jealousy doesn't limit itself to my partner - it's travels to my friends too.

Somewhere something in my head must be broken. I can't expect people to only be friends with ME. I must crave their approval on some level, but why feel shunned when they have other friends?

For example...Rudi and I have been spending a lot of time with a certain couple. We see each other every day. The girl of the other couple and I have grown really close and enjoyed a certain amount of exclusivity with each other. This couple has recently run into old friends that they have not seen for some time. Subsequently they have been spending an increasing amount of time with this couple. They even went as far as to invite this couple over to a braai at our house so that we could meet them.

This weekend they are going away together. We've discussed going away together with them, but we delayed it due to financial constraints, etc. Something seems a bit off with this turn of events.

Oh well, I will miss the exclusivity we enjoyed...and I am heartsore that it was so short lived.

Thursday, 05 June 2008

Rewards



Looks like Blogger is uploading images today! I just received a delivery - my new toys. I won an award at work that allocates you points that you may use to shop on a specific website. One of the things I ordered were these mini speakers. They plug into your phone, iPod, laptop or portable CD player and let you listen to music. It has awesome bass and comes with a little amplifier (which requires some batteries). I can't wait to test it out tonight!

The two little speakers fit into the amplifier for neat easy storage:





Neat huh?

Images courtesy of Philips.

Imperfection

The church service last night was tough. The Word we received was a difficult one to apply. The whole purpose of going to church is so that you can get food for your soul and apply the morals and values that you learn in your day to day life.

Last night we were told that you cannot say you love God if you do not love your neighbour. How can you love a God you have never seen, yet you cannot love your neighbour who you have seen?

I realize this point can be endlessly argued by cynics, but if this could be applied in the life of every human being (regardless of religious beliefs or background) - how different would the world be?

It was said that it is easy to love someone that does everything you tell them. It is easy to love someone that agrees with you all the time. Where is the challenge in that? Where is the effort required? How are you bettering yourself as a person by just loving those that it is easy to love? That's the catch.

I can think of two individuals that I feel I cannot love. Crack Head Neighbour and Coke Head (My Evil Mother's boyfriend) are two individuals I have great trouble even thinking about without boiling my blood.

Last night while in the service I thought to myself "I am so imperfect, how could I possibly meet the standard of others that are so much better than me?". Yes, God is a graceful and compassionate God - where is the line though? Somewhere in the Bible Jesus says that he would spew you out should you be lukewarm towards him or that he would deny you in front of His Father.

Where does that leave me?

Wednesday, 04 June 2008

Amber's Mouse

Last night/this morning I was minding my own business, having a good sleep when Rudi became restless and started scolding Amber.

I thought a swift kick or two would keep him quiet, but he persisted in wriggling around and swearing at the cat. Eventually he grew tired of this and got up, shoo-ed the cat, opened the balcony door...it was at this juncture that I opened my eyes and saw the silouhette of a mouse dangling by it's tail from Rudi's fingers. He unceremoniously tossed the poor thing off the balcony. Cruel as it may seem, this may have been safer for the little thing as there is poisonous powder on the balcony which may have killed it, if Amber hadn't done so already.

In my sleepy state I turned around, grateful to have his warm body back in the bed and went back to sleep. At some point this morning I started thinking about what had happened and asked Rudi whether the mouse was actually in the bed with us...apparently it was.

*shudder*

Some days I don't know whether to pet her or to throttle her...

P.S. Blogger is working on my (.)(.) - It won't upload images. Balls.

Monday, 02 June 2008

Married to My Evil Mother

Anyone who has read about My Evil Mother (mostly in my old blog) would think that it would be an absolute nightmare to be married to her, right? I'm starting to have my doubts...

My stepfather was married to my mother since I was about 4 years old. He came from an abusive background and had drinking problems, didn't finish school, etc. My Evil Mother somehow managed to get him sober for over 10 years. She also managed to get him a good job wherever she was working at the time and had him attending church.

After My Evil Mother lost her job at a large furniture store (under questionable circumstances) her life has gone to shit. My stepfather and My Evil Mother got divorced a few short weeks after Rudi and I were married. I was happy for my stepfather as she was just putting him further and further into debt and had cheated on him time and again. Whether he cheated on her is something that remains to be seen, but I doubt it.

Since they have been divorced both of them have had many personal problems. My Evil Mother is unable to hold down a job, is involved with a leech and is sponging off family. My stepfather has started using drugs and drinking again. He has lost two jobs because of his addiction issues and is living in a back room in someone else's house.

Somehow these two people were much better when they were together. They kept each other in check to a certain extent. I've found myself wishing for their own sake that they would work things out.

I don't wish being married to My Evil Mother on my worst enemy, but I do wonder if he wouldn't be better off with her. How does the saying go? Better the devil you know...

Jubba Redeemed?

The weekend wasn't too bad. I did work, but we had a cool braai with Boogaloo on Saturday. Boogaloo and Voldemort seem to be breaking up. Boogaloo will be moving out on his own on the 1st of July if things go according to plan. He is heart sore. I will be there for him every step of the way. He has supported me through so much pain and crap that I've had in my life. I couldn't do anything else.

Jubba just took me aside. He heard somewhere that he made me cry (refer to my previous entry about Jubba). I told him that he didn't make me cry, but that I was upset because I know that he is a real sweetheart, but he comes across as such an aggressive person it's hard for other people to see. I discussed some of the concerns of our team with him and I hope I cleared the air. He assured me that he was not dissatisfied with my work and advised me where I could improve - in a nice calm rational tone. It was rather refreshing. He really has a bad reputation and he knows he needs to work on it. I'll just have to learn to work around the aggression and not take it personally.

I'm really relieved that my working weekend is over.